I don't know what your therapist's reasons are for asking you not to work on the journals outside of session. I did EMDR as well, and at the end of a session we wrapped up the stuff I was processing in EMDR and put it away for the next session. Perhaps if you've contained things at the end of your EMDR session your therapist is worried that you will open those things back up by working on those journals?

I find EMDR frustrating as well, and it's been a tougher road than they let on in the books about it.

I think they are probably worried you may overload yourself and it may not be in a safe environment. The thing is, if you feel okay with it then you can still do it. You know yourself better than your therapist and you know your motivations behind wanting to journal.

The downside of them saying no is that it can feel difficult to bring up something that you may have felt/discovered during the journalling process. If you feel able, try talking to them and saying you appreciate their concerns but you've chosen to do it (if you do) and you would appreciate their concerns

Sorry their support (not concerns...typing whilst listening to TV)

Finalytime -- We contain it, physically even. I made a container to put stuff in. I guess for me because I can't really talk about stuff during the EMDR and much of my experiences I never really talked about, I feel cheated in some ways. Maybe it shouldn't matter if in the end the PTSD symptoms go away but I guess part of me says it's all well and good to have an image, tap my feet, breathe and notice my feelings but I keep thinking through things to much and wanting to do something rather than just allow thoughts to shift around as they want to without really talking about them.

I couldn't bring myself to even say the name of the person out loud in the previous session. I wanted to figure out what that was all about, why there was so much fear there but I waited to check in with her about it first. I'm trying to let her do her job and try not to interfere too much with her way of doing things.

I guess when I go to the next session I can talk to her about it more.

Heptet -- She indicated something about too much sensory stuff and not wanting me to do trauma work outside of session.

I might feel broken sometimes but her telling me not to do this makes me feel like I'm too messed up. Maybe she sees something I don't and I guess next week I'm gonna ask. I know I was struggling in the last session but EMDR is part of it, I feel so inadequate and like I don't know what the heck I"m supposed to be doing.

As I was putting dishes away, I was wondering why this whole situation was frustrating to me and I realized that some of it is impatience. I need to find work, the PTSD is making it difficult to find work because I keep getting overwhelmed at thoughts of being stuck behind a desk or any other number of what if's that I have no control over, let alone not really having been alone anywhere outside of therapy for the last couple of years and the fact that I'm not driving that well due to anxiety attacks.

So I guess I'm ready to just focus as much as I can on stuff since I have all this freaking time on my hands. My current work is work from home but my hours have been reduced.

I have a graduate degree but can't put it to use until I get my head screwed on straight.

She said I couldn't do any trauma work, but she didn't say I couldn't pray for healing in between sessions so maybe that's what I need to do, or does that still count ? Maybe I need to call her for clarification on what exactly constitutes trauma work in between sessions. Guess I"m just rambling now. Thanks for reading.

She said you couldn't do any trauma work, but what does that mean really. If what you need is to find your voice, and speak the things you are thinking then that is what you should do.

I understand that EMDR work is specialized, but what about working a talk session in between EMDR sessions. I have to confess, mine shelved all of the EMDR work while I needed to process other stuff. Perhaps that needs to be an option for you too.

If EMDR 'feels' to limiting, than it is...isn't it. After all, EMDR is about finding out how something makes you feel right? I hope I don't sound (too much) like a smart a@#, but EMDR isn't all sunshine and roses over traditional talk therapy...I think there is value in both.

Finalytime -- sometimes a planned EMDR session gets side tracked if I start talking but she is of the opinion that talking can be an avoidance thing. Which I don't entirely agree with since lately when I talk I have been expressing emotions at the same time. If I were in robot mode like in the past where I was told I was reporting experiences in a detached form I could understand how the talking would keep me from feeling but things are different now.

I don't think you are being a smart *** but then again you are agreeing with my point of view so I'm biased
: ) I do think there are benefits to both talk and EMDR.

I don't entirely agree with her about the talking being an avoidance thing ALL of the time. I talked a lot when I wanted to avoid doing EMDR, so I agree that would be considered avoidance, however if you plan on talk sessions, maybe that will help you feel more balanced out. In my opinion, even 'avoidance' chatter can be useful to them if they really listen.

(I do understand why she would want to steer you away from detached reporting of experiences though)

HealingJourney,

Does your therapist know you better than you know yourself? Do you trust her? Do you trust yourself?

I believe there are places in the healing journey when it is wise to follow the guidance of a gifted therapist. And there are places in the healing journey when it is most wise to follow our own internal guide.

I'd want to know the concerns that prompted the therapist to say it might be "too sensory" for you to do the RAR journal prompts. What does she mean by "too sensory"? And how well has she gauged your emotional responses so far?

Once you two have discussed this you can check in with your own internal guide to decide what is best for you.

xx
SuzA

When I talked with her about it she felt it would be like taking two different modalities and not allowing the one (EMDR) to do it's job.

She didn't want me to do focused journal activities. She said it would be ok to journal if something came up but that I shouldn't just sit and decide to journal on something specific.

HealingJourney,

I don't know enough about EMDR to know if doing "focused journal activities" would interfere with the process and success of EMDR. But, I feel my gut resisting that explanation.

I went to the official EMDR website (Francine Shapiro, Ph.D., founder) to see if I could find more information. There is a lot of information there and while I didn't find anything about only doing one modality at a time I did find the five questions to ask any therapist who uses EMDR:

1. Has the therapist received both levels of training?
2. Was that training approved by EMDRIA (EMDR International Association)?
3. How does therapist stay informed on the latest protocols and developments?
4. How many cases has therapist treated with your particular problem?
5. What is the therapist's success rate?

I don't know how helpful this is because your therapist may have been instructed in her training to only do one modality; but somehow it doesn't sit well with me. The therapist I was seeing for EMDR sessions did not ask me to limit my work to EMDR only; in fact, one of the most fruitful sessions was when I brought in one of the written exercises from the RAR book; the one where I write a letter to myself.

Again, I am not trained in EMDR and must admit that I absolutely rebel against anyone telling me what to do because I know myself better than anyone else possibly could. And knowing me, I'd go back and ask for more explanation and then make my own decision.

But, that's me. You must do what's best for you.

xx
SuzA

Which reminds me I told her I would look into whether there was any research indicating that RAR would somehow interfere with EMDR.

I've been skeptical about the EMDR process from the start and I've flat out discussed my concerns with she. She says that she has seen it work and to trust the process. I've been trying to. She said to give it 6 to 8 sessions to see. That seems like forever to me right now when I feel so stuck.

HealingJourney,

I think, like any healing modality, EMDR works for some and not for others. It did work for me in as much as it brought up stuff I had buried deeper than deep.

In this case, if all else is safe, try the 6-8 sessions and try to trust the process; it has had lots of research supporting its effectiveness. Do you have anything to lose by trying it?

xx
SuzA

Academically, I can see the reason for it. I don't subscribe to it, but I see the reason. In EMDR, the therapist wants to use a controlled setting to help you evaluate your subjective units of distress/discomfort, and then see which interventions are most helpful. That's hard to do if you're working ahead without the therapist to track the changes.

On the other hand--and let me be clear, I am NOT stepping in-between you and your therapist, only expressing my own view--the way I see it, the therapeutic process isn't supposed to be about testing interventions, but about supporting your own initiatives as you find your voice (as others here have said. They're dead-on). If I were the clinician, I would be thrilled to have a client who wanted to forge ahead and take control of her own therapeutic fate. My only concern would be how you would handle any crisis that came up during the process...suppose you were doing an RAR journal, and something really triggered you. Do you have the skills to manage that? Many people do. A lot don't, and we need to be honest about that. But if you are a good judge of your own limits and have techniques in place to help with triggers, I'd be quite proud of a client taking ownership of her progress. But that's just me. My philosophy was that the client should be accountable to the clinician, but that the client should be the one who decides where the process goes, and when.

If I were a research subject. I'd understand the reason.

I don't feel that I'm at risk for a major crisis and honestly, I could probably handle a meltdown on my own better than in her office. When I started getting in touch with some angry feelings she gave me a minute with it and then promptly redirected me back to the tapping.

I know there are differing schools of thought on acting into angry feelings but sometimes having to stuff it doesn't help any. Sometimes it just needs to be let out safely. I was very respectful about it. I asked her first if she would be ok with me hitting on the other chair to get some of it out and she said ok but it seemed like she felt like she'd lost control of what was going on.

To me it seemed just what I needed to do to get the feelings out and had come to some clarity in my head about my anger that it wasn't so much about being raped or the dysfunction that was that relationship but about how I'm still stuck in a state of anxiety that is limiting me and for that I'm angry. And my own therapist doesn't even get to know because she just wants me to tap it out and float it around in my own head and anything I say has to be 5 words or less when I am allowed to say something. GRRR.

Guess I got side tracked. Thanks for responding.