Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I know I've said this a million times, but it's SO important. The retreat is a time for healing and community, for fun, for growth, for courage, and for change. It is not a weekend of therapy or crisis intervention (I had some inquiries made by therapists who wanted to refer their patients to the retreat, but I politely declined and suggested they reconsider next year, because their clients were still in crisis. I explained that the retreat is not the place to come during a crisis in hopes that it will stabilize their self-injury, substance abuse, suicidal risk, etc.) We've been fortunate that every year has been a positive, healthy, happy experience for those who have come. Never once has there been a crisis or a situation we couldn't handle.
I attribute that to the self-care each person has invested as they've prepared beforehand. You all have done a superb job, every time, of coming to the retreat in a well-prepared state of mind! There has never been any self-harm, any medical crisis, any meltdown or suicidal risks--not once. Oh, people have come while nervous, perhaps even terrified. People have come and shed tears. People have come despite feeling uncertain. That's all normal. But NOBODY has ever come and brought "crisis drama" with them.
So what I wanted to ask you is this: what are some of the ways each of you has prepared yourselves? What tips or advice do you have about how you've taken care of yourselves and done such an excellent job, year after year, of coming together in such a healthy, peaceful way?
I attribute that to the self-care each person has invested as they've prepared beforehand. You all have done a superb job, every time, of coming to the retreat in a well-prepared state of mind! There has never been any self-harm, any medical crisis, any meltdown or suicidal risks--not once. Oh, people have come while nervous, perhaps even terrified. People have come and shed tears. People have come despite feeling uncertain. That's all normal. But NOBODY has ever come and brought "crisis drama" with them.
So what I wanted to ask you is this: what are some of the ways each of you has prepared yourselves? What tips or advice do you have about how you've taken care of yourselves and done such an excellent job, year after year, of coming together in such a healthy, peaceful way?
Advice for taking care....hmmm. Well the biggest one was to use medication that's prescribed. I used anxiety meds and it helped alot.
I talked with my therapist about what 'goals' I had for the retreat. The first year my goal was just to come and meet people..face to face who know something about me that no one other than my therapist and husband knew.
I got to 'know' people before hand. Talking on the phone helped ALOT in reducing the anxiety of you all being 'internet people'. Talking to Tonya, Danee and getting an email from Jennifer helped reduce my anxiety about you, but talking to others on the board helped build some familiarity with others before meeting them for the first time. I have to say that after getting to know some of the people coming made meeting them at the airport so much easier! It really was like meeting a good friend.
NUMBER ONE TIP for keeping myself together....remove myself from situations where there was triggering conversation or behavior. Knowing, respecting and having faith everyone else would respect my boundaries was the biggest one. Knowing my limitations on conversation content and taking care of my fear and anxiety by removing myself to place that would allow me to remain in control of my anxiety.
There wasn't ONE person there that felt that didn't respect and honor that removing myself was not an indication of my like or dislike of someone or something but rather me just taking care of me. I tend to put others feelings before my own so my therapist reminding me that I was there for myself and reminding me to take care of myself..that was my priority above all else..that gave me a clear path to follow.
I'm a pretty friendly person by nature.....well ok..not to Matt the first retreat , which I have to say didn't seem to bother him at all so don't worry if you are nervous to talk or spend time with him. He's cool about it.
This year there are so many more people than the first year and that should help us find our comfortable spot in conversation with the diverse personalilities we have coming .
30 people..holy smokes I need to run back to the cheese store! lol
I have talked to fish about concerns, and plans to deal with different issues. I have also talked to others who have attended before. So, even though I am a little worried, I am looking forward to this. I will say, I will have to put one foot infront of the other, and deal accordingly.
In terms of preparation, I have got things I want to burn on the fire, I am thinking about what I want to pray in the sweatlodge and I have raised things with a couple of friends that I might find tricky but not necessarily be able to say and have just asked them to 'watch my back' - as you Americans say.
Oh, and I have my fish on speed dial and have agreed to pay the cost of the call if necessary!
Saw my friend Elton today. He has a very relaxing energy and old soul. Very much a wise friend. The dog doesn't hurt either. That helped me.
For some reason, although I have fears, I already feel comfortable that whatever I have to give will be accepted and whatever limitations I put forth will also be accepted.
My pdoc and therapist know I am attending. I have my meds...especially anxiety ones and know what my pdoc considers acceptable usage. I am prepared to be honest with myself...if things get to intense. And I am going to spend some concentrated time in prayer about the retreat.
I am just preparing myself to be exposed to a newness of life...to just be.
One of the big things I learned last year is to ask for help and support, rather than just rush off and fall apart by myself. That was huge!
This year...I've got anxiety meds. I'm not flying by myself. (Yay, Poodle!!) I've planned what to bring to burn in the fire and have given it a great deal of careful thought because I want to do it in the right spirit. I'm taking it easy as far as therapy is concerned; now is not the time to delve deeply into the worst of my trauma. On my way out of town on Tuesday morning, I'm going to have a session with my therapist to talk about any last minute fears and to show him the stuff I'm planning on burning.
I'm looking forward to arriving early because I can't wait to see everyone!!! But it also gives me a chance to settle down...ok, I admit we won't settle down at all...I mean to ease into the retreat. Or maybe, as a friend of mine used to say about her kids, I just need to get my ya-yas out first, before I can behave myself, sit still, and focus. lol
Then i had a crisis over this weekend and it's made me feel wobbly about my ability to cope. I more than likely will..just focussing the next few days on relaxation and stuff
Another suggestion..seriously..don't overpack. you don't really need much the days are very casual. Must haves...beach towel and flip flops for the sweat lodge.
I know it sounds ridiculous...I've just had issues with the phone since teeange years and traumatic deaths relayed over the phone. But I may work my way up to calling...it just takes me a few days to prepare!