Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
Let's refocus our attention onto progress toward healing, and less effort on hashing out all the disputes that come up here. We all know people don't always see eye-to-eye on all things, but that is not a required condition for healing. It seems we're doing a whole lot less work on opening and cleaning our own wounds than we should. Rape recovery is achieved with meditation, thoughtfulness, creativity, courage, God, and compassion, not with bullhorns.
Look, I really love you all. I mean, REALLY love you all. It pains me to see amazing people lose even a moment of the astonishing successes I've seen you all achieve.
When we see an attitude surface here that rubs us the wrong way--and we will--let it go. Those irritants are far less important than our collective strength, and to give those things any power to distract us is a self-harming choice because it replaces our growth with the energy-wasting melee of hurt feelings, terse replies, and other stuff.
We're all human, so I'm not calling anyone out because, hell, I get mired down in this stuff like anyone. Even Jesus' disciples, being given the gift of amazing testimonies, drained it away by bickering about who was greatest, who would sit on God's right side, etc.
So try this for a week: keep posting on RAR to on-topic contributions that promote healing. Let's get back to question-and-answer about research, journal writings, poetry, healing music, unraveling parenting issues, and--dare I ask it--working through the book maybe. and for extra credit, I challenge you...no, I DARE you...to write encouraging and helpful posts even to people you've had clashes with in the past.
I'm never going to stop being impressed and caring deeply about all of you here, and I just want to see us work as a tribe again.
Remember, I'm in a GOOD mood these days, and mine wrath shalt thunder down upon whosoever doth piss thereupon!
:)
Look, I really love you all. I mean, REALLY love you all. It pains me to see amazing people lose even a moment of the astonishing successes I've seen you all achieve.
When we see an attitude surface here that rubs us the wrong way--and we will--let it go. Those irritants are far less important than our collective strength, and to give those things any power to distract us is a self-harming choice because it replaces our growth with the energy-wasting melee of hurt feelings, terse replies, and other stuff.
We're all human, so I'm not calling anyone out because, hell, I get mired down in this stuff like anyone. Even Jesus' disciples, being given the gift of amazing testimonies, drained it away by bickering about who was greatest, who would sit on God's right side, etc.
So try this for a week: keep posting on RAR to on-topic contributions that promote healing. Let's get back to question-and-answer about research, journal writings, poetry, healing music, unraveling parenting issues, and--dare I ask it--working through the book maybe. and for extra credit, I challenge you...no, I DARE you...to write encouraging and helpful posts even to people you've had clashes with in the past.
I'm never going to stop being impressed and caring deeply about all of you here, and I just want to see us work as a tribe again.
Remember, I'm in a GOOD mood these days, and mine wrath shalt thunder down upon whosoever doth piss thereupon!
:)
AMEN MATT AND AMEN.
I feel it's only fair to make a bolder statement about this, though: RAR is not the place to post and debate grievances between members. Members with personal conflicts should either resolve them privately, or mutually ignore one another if no resolution is possible, but as a group we exist to promote healing and camaraderie. But to bring personal disputes into the RAR group forum, and then imply that RAR isn't a friendly place, is out of bounds. RAR is the responsibility of all its members to maintain, and remains as fun and positive as we insist that it be. Messages that publicize grievances between members for group consumption will be deleted, so let's not even waste our time writing them. Besides, it is SO hard for me to maintain a neutral, positive position at all times when loved ones are drawn into conflict. This is not censorship, it's maintenance of emotional health.
I appreciate your opinion, and respect it entirely. I am just trying to clarify meanings and reiterate the purpose of RaR.
I have seen other posts removed where although the author may have been trying to stir up trouble there was nothing particularly triggering in what they wrote and more recently the suggestion that a post might be removed because some people happened to have a difference of opionion. I am not suggesting that all posts remain up regardless of content but that there is always a very good reason for removing posts and I don't think there always is. In other groups that i have been a member of I have seen that posts tend to be frozen (and I have seen far worse things written in this other group!) so nobody else can add to these posts with a reason given as to why they were frozen. Although this may not always work I think that it may be a more 'adult' response as then everybody can choose there own responses and yet the post will go off the main board fairly quickly as newer posts replace them, I don't know if these posts eventually disappear or not, I've tended to lose interest and never gone back to check
I guess part of my problem with posts being deleted as causaully as they seem to be lately is that we don't all have an equal say in which posts remain and which are removed. That is why I think that it should be a serious decision to make to delete somebodies words
I have seen other posts removed where although the author may have been trying to stir up trouble there was nothing particularly triggering in what they wrote and more recently the suggestion that a post might be removed because some people happened to have a difference of opionion. I am not suggesting that all posts remain up regardless of content but that there is always a very good reason for removing posts and I don't think there always is. In other groups that i have been a member of I have seen that posts tend to be frozen (and I have seen far worse things written in this other group!) so nobody else can add to these posts with a reason given as to why they were frozen. Although this may not always work I think that it may be a more 'adult' response as then everybody can choose there own responses and yet the post will go off the main board fairly quickly as newer posts replace them, I don't know if these posts eventually disappear or not, I've tended to lose interest and never gone back to check
I guess part of my problem with posts being deleted as causaully as they seem to be lately is that we don't all have an equal say in which posts remain and which are removed. That is why I think that it should be a serious decision to make to delete somebodies words
I share Mayday's concern about posts being deleted if some important points get lost along the way. But it's also been mentioned recently that this forum is very much a public face of the RAR book. (Although I've never tried, I'd imagine that these pages can be accessed from Google in the same way that the other DS discussion groups are.)
So I suppose it's about striking a balance between being honest and transparent about the way disagreements are handled, and on the other hand making sure we don't put off any new members who are looking for support. I don't envy Matt or the other administrators for having to make that call, it's a difficult job.
So I suppose what I'm saying is, even if I might not agree with the decision to remove an individual post, I can still support the *intention* behind doing that.
I am not prohibiting posts that make points about trauma recovery, and would not dream of removing any posts that simply make controversial points on that broad topic. I *am* prohibiting posts that pertain to personal negative feelings about other members. Hashing out problems with other members is not the purpose of this forum. Forgive me for being firm--I seldom am--but this is not open to debate. It is a condition for participation: post on the topic of rape trauma recovery, and exclude messages critiquing members.
Let me also add this: I am not imposing personal will on the group. There is no condition for participation that someone agree with my positions on all topics, and I have ALWAYS welcomed hearty debate. Debate and diverse ideas will continue to be valued parts of the RAR experience. The ONLY prohibition is that using the forum to hash out inter-member conflicts is not acceptable. I think that's an enormously liberal and reasonable guideline.
Thanks!
:)
*Runs to find the patronus spell*
L
Here's the problem: when I allow people to post their personal grievances about each other, people complain that the board "isn't friendly and inclusive."
When I say "Okay, posting personal attacks on the board won't be allowed," they complain that I am censoring or restricting them.
I can't seem to win, folks.
CLEARLY, the decision cannot be based on what is likely to make all people the happiest, because people will dislike some aspect of this either way. So the decision is based on a simple acknowledgment of the fact that hashing out personal grievances is not, and never has been, the purpose of this board, so why on earth would I allow that stuff to occupy space here and stir up bad feelings? The board has a purpose, an agenda, a mission--and the mission isn't to be a place where people duel. It's to be a setting for online conversation about recovery from rape trauma. So be it. I can't see where in the world that is controversial, because that was the stated intent from day one, and people acknowledge that when they join. Using the board for arguments is a distortion of the set purpose, period. It's like going to someone's church and then complaining that they're being restrictive and insensitive because they won't let you set up a boxing ring in the pulpit.
Yes, it's restrictive. I'm restricting the board for what it's MEANT to be used for. People who want to use DS to hash out personal problems with one another can use a board that was intended for that purpose, such as http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/argument-room
Here's the problem: when I allow people to post their personal grievances about each other, people complain that the board "isn't friendly and inclusive."
When I say "Okay, posting personal attacks on the board won't be allowed," they complain that I am censoring or restricting them.
I can't seem to win, folks.
CLEARLY, the decision cannot be based on what is likely to make all people the happiest, because people will dislike some aspect of this either way. So the decision is based on a simple acknowledgment of the fact that hashing out personal grievances is not, and never has been, the purpose of this board, so why on earth would I allow that stuff to occupy space here and stir up bad feelings? The board has a purpose, an agenda, a mission--and the mission isn't to be a place where people duel. It's to be a setting for online conversation about recovery from rape trauma. So be it. I can't see where in the world that is controversial, because that was the stated intent from day one, and people acknowledge that when they join. Using the board for arguments is a distortion of the set purpose, period. It's like going to someone's church and then complaining that they're being restrictive and insensitive because they won't let you set up a boxing ring in the pulpit.
Yes, it's restrictive. I'm restricting the board for what it's MEANT to be used for. People who want to use DS to hash out personal problems with one another can use a board that was intended for that purpose, such as http://www.dailystrength.org/group...
I have realized that some people just won't like my online personality and therefore will object to anything that I post. But I also realize that some people really find my posts quite positive. If there was ever a time where a post or reply was purposely written by me to create controversy, or was directed at a specific member and that member was hurt or uncomfortable.....by all means take it down.
Also, the 'warning' in a post title seems to be ignored...If a post has a warning in the title I don't think it should be taken down (unless it is a battle between members). There are many different belief systems in place on this forum...they should ALL be allowed to be heard as long as their presented In a respectful caring manner. Let me give you an example:
I posted a song that I happened to hear in church. The song moved me alot. I wanted to share it with others. I posted the song with the title that included 'religious trigger" in it. It seemed that those who have issue with my religion or religion in general CHOSE to read it in spite of the warning and THEN got upset with ME that I dare post such a thing. RAR is 'open to all". And none of us should be censored if the INTENT of our posts are created to uplift or help one another. Its our personal responsibilty to censor ourselves from reading certain things that we know are going to upset us.
Do I envy the administrators here...NO WAY. Am I grateful that they are there to keep RAR the place it was created to be? YES! And yes folks, I have had a few of my own posts and replies removed.....even though I may not have understood why, I respected the administrators decision.
My own sense of safety and trust around here has taken some heavy hits these past few weeks, maybe this new policy will help...