Whoa! that is AWESOME!

The "million dollars" question didn't get formatted to bold, so it looks like I'm asking the question as part of my own answer.

James, this is amazing!

Oops! I've fixed the formatting error - thanks for the interview Matt.

Hey, what happens to all those "Matt sucks" comments you'll get, too? :)

I don't know if I will have the bandwidth for all of the "Matt sux" comments. I may have to start a special blog just to host them!

Rats.

"Interview with Matt Atkinson".... Like "Interview with The Vampire"?

Yeah, but not gay.

LOL you guys! I don't have anything substantive to add but I want to tell you that you all made my day today with this thread.

Just a little gay....

J/K!!!!!! Matt that was great information and truly part of my dream in life is for you to be successful in yours.

It was a great interview and it continually amazes me that when I read something that someone else voices that is an isolating feeling, that "YES! That IS what it's like" moment, is always just as powerful as the first time I felt it. Socially isolating couldn't be a better term (you're like "Yeah, I know, I wrote a book about it, remember?") lol

Good job :)

The feeling of being socially isolated was something I tried to deny. About 8 years ago, when some stuff in my life had been really triggering, I found an online group of rape survivors. I don't even recall which one it was. I never posted anything. But I remember being annoyed at these women. Why weren't they over it already? (Uh...maybe for the same reason I wasn't over it after 2 decades?) And why did they insist on describing details of their rapes? That was so upsetting? How on earth could any of us forget if people kept feeling a need to go on and on about it?

I felt a strong need to connect with others who had experienced rape trauma, but I was unwilling to face my own trauma. I'm not sure what I wanted, maybe a support group for women who promised never to talk about rape, but instead offered tips for avoiding and forgetting painful memories.

But when I realized, this year, that I needed to deal with all of this, I saw the value of this group here, and realized how important it is to do the work we do together, rather than just in isolation. I joined right before the retreat and I was surprised at how disappointed I was not to be there, even though all of you were complete strangers. But the longing for community was so strong.

At the same time, that longing scares me. It's a constant push-pull.

RAR really helped me better understand that sense of isolation as well as the need for community as a place of healing. So I liked that part of the interview. I also liked Matt's explanation of how RAR is different from other books about rape. That rung so true for me.

But I was shocked -- SHOCKED, I tell you -- that anyone would throw that wonderful book or curse at it or get upset with it in any way -- and it seems unbelievable that anyone would fire off angry emails to the author. I think Matt must be making up that part. Hahaha.

Ooooh, no. I didn't make that up at all. I bet if you posted "Who here has thrown the RAR book in anger?" here, you'd get some stories. Go ahead, try it.

I know you're not making it up. I wrote one of those angry emails myself! And I've done my share of book flinging. I think I spent 3-4 weeks ranting at least once each therapy session about "That Damn Book" and "the jerk who wrote it" until the day I asked my therapist if I could read him the first journaling assignment I'd done from RAR. He said something like, "Oh, don't you mean 'That Damn Book'?"

But I know what you mean about some of the other books that are all gentle and pastel-colored and pretty. The Christian ones are the worst. And, since there were only the vaguest rape accounts in these books ("I was raped by the man I babysat for when he drove me home that night.") I ended up feeling like my rape was so vile and filthy that there was no help for me -- or that I should be able to shrug it off as nothing more than, "My two neighbors raped me one night", without ever facing what really happened.

Bravo James! This was a very nicely done interview. Thanks to both of you for putting it out there - for putting yourselves out there.

Stehtfest, those are VERY good points. The worst book I've read was "Set Free: God's Healing Power for Abuse Survivors and Those Who Love Them" by Jan Coates. For one thing, she's not a counselor, she's a motivational speaker. Then she fills the book with a lot of rape myths (example: one woman is sexually abused because her body develops during adolescence, becoming appealing to her father. How's THAT for victim-blaming?). And then every chapter is the same routine:

1. Sally was raped/sexually abused. It confused her.
2. Sally tried everything she could to cope. Nothing worked.
3. Sally got messed up in bad sins: drugs, sex, voting Democrat, whatever.
4. Sally invited Jesus into her life, and all her guilt and shame were washed away by The Blood.
5. Sally is blissful.

See? It's like a Jack Chick comic (those bizarre tiny comic books some people give out on campuses or at halloween). EVERY chapter is the same. My concern is that this not only simplifies recovery (as a matter of faith conversion), but it trivializes trauma (the pain of rape is temporary and easily fixed, and victims feel that pain until they stop messing up and make the RIGHT choice). But then a horrifying issue comes up: What about all of the amazing women here who already ARE Christian, and very faithful about it, yet still endure trauma? There is no answer in the book. Instead, the implication is that your faith must be out of whack, because if you'd done the alter-call PROPERLY, you too would be blissful like Sally. Don't believe her? The author markets her motivational seminars to underscore this!

I'm working on a book about spirituality and trauma, but it's not what people tend to expect. Most people expect a book like that to be crammed with inspirational parables and pep-rally positive thinking (like Joel Osteen). Instead, I am taking the same tone I always do: Let's be real, this stuff HURTS, and it takes courageous work, not simple fixes, to get through it. I try to delve into deeper issues about God, rather than offering God as the majordomo of the faithful, such as the issues of forgiveness, hate, depression, coping with critics, the nature of evil, and what happens with worldly rules prohibit real acts of compassion for wounded people.

I hope it turns out good, but I don't know who will read it when there are fluffier books. :)

Stehtfest, those are VERY good points. The worst book I've read was "Set Free: God's Healing Power for Abuse Survivors and Those Who Love Them" by Jan Coates. For one thing, she's not a counselor, she's a motivational speaker. Then she fills the book with a lot of rape myths (example: one woman is sexually abused because her body develops during adolescence, becoming appealing to her father. How's THAT for victim-blaming?). And then every chapter is the same routine:

1. Sally was raped/sexually abused. It confused her.
2. Sally tried everything she could to cope. Nothing worked.
3. Sally got messed up in bad sins: drugs, sex, voting Democrat, whatever.
4. Sally invited Jesus into her life, and all her guilt and shame were washed away by The Blood.
5. Sally is blissful.

See? It's like a Jack Chick comic (those bizarre tiny comic books some people give out on campuses or at halloween). EVERY chapter is the same. My concern is that this not only simplifies recovery (as a matter of faith conversion), but it trivializes trauma (the pain of rape is temporary and easily fixed, and victims feel that pain until they stop messing up and make the RIGHT choice). But then a horrifying issue comes up: What about all of the amazing women here who already ARE Christian, and very faithful about it, yet still endure trauma? There is no answer in the book. Instead, the implication is that your faith must be out of whack, because if you'd done the alter-call PROPERLY, you too would be blissful like Sally. Don't believe her? The author markets her motivational seminars to underscore this!

I'm working on a book about spirituality and trauma, but it's not what people tend to expect. Most people expect a book like that to be crammed with inspirational parables and pep-rally positive thinking (like Joel Osteen). Instead, I am taking the same tone I always do: Let's be real, this stuff HURTS, and it takes courageous work, not simple fixes, to get through it. I try to delve into deeper issues about God, rather than offering God as the majordomo of the faithful, such as the issues of forgiveness, hate, depression, coping with critics, the nature of evil, and what happens when worldly rules prohibit real acts of compassion for wounded people (I know a little something about that).

I hope it turns out good, but I don't know who will read it when there are fluffier "positive thinking" books. :)