Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
Looking back isn't always bad. A bit of sentiment and nostalgia can be very healthy. I was just writing a comment about how this group is 5 years old (founded June 28, 2008), and it's made me think about how much I've changed during that time--and for the better.
This group was founded before the "RAR" book was actually published. I remember posting its progress to the group ("Finished another chapter today! Started work on cover art today! I need suggestions for the title"...Did you know that this group's members came up with the name "Resurrection After Rape"?), and celebrating when the first boxes arrived from the publisher. I remember when the Second Edition came out (expanded, improved, re-edited, and updated). I had no idea back then that "RAR" would become the top book in the country for rape trauma treatment! Seriously, women's centers and counseling programs all over America are buying it in bulk now. It went from being "Matt's little book that we love and hate" to a text taught in college classes!
"Letters To Survivors" came out 3 years later (two years ago), winning multiple national publishing awards. Just tonight, a treatment center emailed me to ask for permission to share a few of its letters with all of their incoming clients. Last week, a women's center got a grant to buy "LTS" in bulk to give one to every woman they serve. Each year, women's centers across America email me to ask for permission to stage public readings at "Take Back the Night" rallies. And about two-thirds of the letters in LTS came from participants in this group! That's right, letters written by some of YOU are being shared with women across the country. I even got an email from New Zealand about using LTS with women there!
Since this group started, I've had no fewer than four jobs: therapist, university professor, community organizer, and artist. I'm taking a break from my easel at 3 AM at this moment, in fact.
When this group started, there was no "Survivor's Retreat." That started a year later in 2009 as a group-organized dream. And of the 14 people who were there, I think nearly all of us spent the whole weekend bawling. It really was a healing retreat. Now it's evolved into a celebration rather than a healing-focused event (although we still use the name "Survivor's Healing Retreat" because, well, it's traditional now). And it's grown to over 30 people a year, coming from 17 states and four non-US countries!
Five years ago, I couldn't run sweatlodge ceremonies. Three years ago I completed my final task (a four-day vision fast) and received a healing pipe from an elder, a sweatlodge drum and rattle, and a buffalo hide, and can now run sweats. I've run them at the last two retreats. Last year, my son River joined for a special round (at the invitation of the women at the retreat) for the first time. And this year, he went overseas by himself to spend a week with a family we'd come to know through the retreats.
I can't imagine a better way that my life could change in just five years. Thank you all.
This group was founded before the "RAR" book was actually published. I remember posting its progress to the group ("Finished another chapter today! Started work on cover art today! I need suggestions for the title"...Did you know that this group's members came up with the name "Resurrection After Rape"?), and celebrating when the first boxes arrived from the publisher. I remember when the Second Edition came out (expanded, improved, re-edited, and updated). I had no idea back then that "RAR" would become the top book in the country for rape trauma treatment! Seriously, women's centers and counseling programs all over America are buying it in bulk now. It went from being "Matt's little book that we love and hate" to a text taught in college classes!
"Letters To Survivors" came out 3 years later (two years ago), winning multiple national publishing awards. Just tonight, a treatment center emailed me to ask for permission to share a few of its letters with all of their incoming clients. Last week, a women's center got a grant to buy "LTS" in bulk to give one to every woman they serve. Each year, women's centers across America email me to ask for permission to stage public readings at "Take Back the Night" rallies. And about two-thirds of the letters in LTS came from participants in this group! That's right, letters written by some of YOU are being shared with women across the country. I even got an email from New Zealand about using LTS with women there!
Since this group started, I've had no fewer than four jobs: therapist, university professor, community organizer, and artist. I'm taking a break from my easel at 3 AM at this moment, in fact.
When this group started, there was no "Survivor's Retreat." That started a year later in 2009 as a group-organized dream. And of the 14 people who were there, I think nearly all of us spent the whole weekend bawling. It really was a healing retreat. Now it's evolved into a celebration rather than a healing-focused event (although we still use the name "Survivor's Healing Retreat" because, well, it's traditional now). And it's grown to over 30 people a year, coming from 17 states and four non-US countries!
Five years ago, I couldn't run sweatlodge ceremonies. Three years ago I completed my final task (a four-day vision fast) and received a healing pipe from an elder, a sweatlodge drum and rattle, and a buffalo hide, and can now run sweats. I've run them at the last two retreats. Last year, my son River joined for a special round (at the invitation of the women at the retreat) for the first time. And this year, he went overseas by himself to spend a week with a family we'd come to know through the retreats.
I can't imagine a better way that my life could change in just five years. Thank you all.
It's good to look back. I tend to get nostalgic this time of year, as well as full of grandiose (well, to me they are grandiose) plans for the coming year. I've given up on my "This will be the year I graduate from therapy!" idea that I've had for the past three years, because I've become more at peace with the idea that my "issues" are more complex than I wanted to believe, and not all of them are related to sexual trauma.
It's so good to check in here, see familiar and loved names...and new ones too.
Today was "fishing day". Afterward, as is my custom, I hung out at a beautiful park and enjoyed a ceremony. That always makes me think of the retreat. Wonderful memories!
River's participation in the sweat was a highlight for me last year. I loved the things people said to him...words of blessing and affirmation. The sweat is so meaningful, so indescribably precious to me because it was such a heartbreaking disappointment not to be able to participate fully my first two years...to be so panicked by something that is safe and healing...and now I view it as the most amazing gift. Can't wait for May!
I want to give huge hugs to Mbird and unfurling and Matt and T and finalytime and celtichope and anyone else who is hanging around!!! I'll try not to do another one of my disappearing acts — in fact, I'm going to force myself to overcome my FB aversion and head over there soon.
I am hear. I am ready to rejoin my tribe.
I am trying EMDR. I am not sure how I feel about it yet. It was suggested by fish. So, we will see how that goes. I will write about that somewhere else.
I have just started to hot yoga. It really reminds me of the sweat.
Hugs to all. I think that it is time to be back around. Off to holiday fishing. Hugs to all.
I've been burning sage at about 1 AM while I paint. It sets a nice, serene feeling, and reminds me of those times, too.
Steht - I've missed you! We had fabulous times together. The sweat was every bit as awesome as unfurling tried to explain to me it was before I came. And JOIN FB!!!!
Unfurling - you are so important to me. Thank you for bringing me into this tribe. You are so, so much more wonderful than you are aware of.
Matt; please finish writing that book. If you need a proofreader I'm available! We all here have well-founded faith that you will do an amazing job with it.
I add my tribute to this tribe and this place. It has been pivotal to my healing thus far, and I hope and pray it will continue to be for all of us and newbies too.
Butterfly, can't wait to hear how EMDR works for you. Someday I might attempt it again — with a much better therapist than the infamous Bad Fish that I had to throw back in the ocean before we got anywhere near to actually doing EMDR. (I recently joked with someone that I shouldn't have tossed her back where she could torment other poor unsuspecting survivors. Surely there must be better ways of dealing with stinky fish!)
Celtic, I think often of not just the sweat, but the burn, and how incredibly powerful it was, as well as how brave you were.
I'd like to put in a vote for Matt's book as well. So many non survivors I know, who have not had their very souls assaulted in the way so many of us have, simply don't understand our struggles with spiritual issues. I get so tired of platitudes ("Let go and let God!" "God never gives us more than we can handle!") or simplistic answers ("You need to forgive and forget and trust God to take care of it!") or — worst of all — self-righteous condemnation ("How could you expect God to protect you when you were drunk and dressed like a harlot? You reap what you sow.") I've come to the conclusion that, if people don't show the sort of compassion Christ did...if they are incapable of weeping and rejoicing with me, if they side with predators and oppressors while blaming those that are victimized — they really have nothing to say that I want to hear. They may THINK they speak for God, but theirs is a toxic faith.
My little rant for the night...
Steht - thanks for remembering my burn. I was so supported by you and tonya and others afterwards. It was SO powerful for me. Awesome.
Can I just say - what you wrote is so complete, so powerful, so true, I have to post it again here:
I've come to the conclusion that, if people don't show the sort of compassion Christ did...if they are incapable of weeping and rejoicing with me, if they side with predators and oppressors while blaming those that are victimized — they really have nothing to say that I want to hear. They may THINK they speak for God, but theirs is a toxic faith.
Well, I too have not been on DS in awhile. Just a lot of stuff going on. I will journal about that later. When I was reading this thread, I could not help but think that we all became a tribe because of this group and Matt's book, we crossed paths for a reason.
It amazes me that we come from so many different walks of life, and states, providences, countries. But, we have an amazing tribe that helps and supports each other across the miles. Having this group on DS has been helpful, but being able to cross over into "in person" was the best. I had to wait the first year I was on her, because of a conflict with my child's school, but it was worth the wait.. I love retreat! I have so many positive memories from there.
The camp itself is great, the retreat to a peaceful place is something I reserve my time for if I can. I pray I get to attend in 2014. But, the feel of family I have while I am there is the most amazing. Can't wait to see everyone again.
I thank you for your generous spirit for organizing all of this, and thank everyone who contributes to it.
I need to do a sweat again soon, too. In the winters it's hard to find places to do that because a lot of families who has lodges need to use their firewood for home heat, and I can't build a new lodge because the willows are all dry. When spring comes and the willows blossom, it's the perfect time to build new lodges. If only I had my own land in the country here in Oklahoma, I'd build one and keep this up every week!