Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I'll do a write-up to orient people to the sweatlodge who want to participate at the retreat, so more details will come. And it is completely voluntary, but let me start by saying this: it sounds more frightening than it is. It's dark inside the lodge, for example, but not a closed-in scary dark; it's a peaceful place where the world belongs to you. Nobody touches or watches you during the ceremony. One way I describe it is, "inside this ceremony, you will find a map to the place where you live."
We gather inside the lodge together, and you will be with almost 100% other females, in a circle together. I carry in heated stones and arrange them in a center pit, and the medicine man instructs us about our common purpose to pray together and be of good hearts. As the lodge door closes, he pours dippers of water over the stones, creating heat and vapor that cleans our bodies. It is dark, and all people inside pray together--not taking turns, but all at once. We pour our hearts out. We leave whatever we want to be rid of on those hot stones, for God to burn away from us. The round lasts but a few minutes, and we call for the door to open. Light and cool air rush in and relax us. We leave, drink water, and rest.
We repeat this for four rounds. The third round is a healing round, and the fourth round belongs to women, who have the right to speak and instruct men. (it is believed that women's prayers reach the Creator more directly, because women have spiritual authority. So women are the foundation of this ceremony, and all ceremonies). You absolutely do not have to talk; it is simply as the spirit leads you. But when the door is closed, we all pray together...and you can do this silently if you wish, but in the ceremony itself there is a full chorus of voices all speaking to God all at once. Nobody distinguishes one voice from another, or "listens in" to another person.
When it is over, we feel an immense rush of endorphins and spiritual rest. We feel clean (spiritually and physically--the impurities of actual "sweat" are cleaned out of us on the first round, and after that it is pure, clean water vapor that washes us. Oh, and it's great for the skin!). We feel inspired because we have succeeded at something difficult, and left our pain on the stones. The energy and confidence we have afterward is enough to make you want to lift your arms with joy.
I have taken several women into the ceremony, and 100% of them have described it as life-changing. Victoria even had a vision in it. Danee still sees it as the most important moment of her recovery.
Part of the fear some people have about this is the fear that might not "make it" or that they will embarrass themselves. There is no risk of this, because the ceremony is not a test of strength or toughness. It is a gift, and one which people use as they need to. There is no need to "prove" something. I will ask our holy man to run it a bit milder for all of us than he does for the Cheyenne Sundancers and me, where the ceremony is intensely difficult.
It is not a terrifying event. You are not "closed up" with men, and nobody is focused on you--we all pray together and our minds are focused on our own needs and healing. Everyone is very modest, and there is no embarrassing exposure of one's body (women wear cotton, such as sports bra, t-shirt, and exercise shorts. Victoria wore an underwire bra the second time she sweated, and regretted the temporary "tattoo" the wire gave her--ha ha!). I have never seen people so happy as when they come out of the ceremony. It is so cleansing, so humble and comforting, that people--even us grown men--sometimes cry with the happiness of it.
Our medicine man is very good about being gentle and kind. When he prays, he directs his prayers to "Maheo, our Creator, and our savior Jesus Christ." (my church pastor asked to come through this ceremony with me before he accepted his role as pastor of our church). It is not a weird, pagan, or unnatural-feeling ceremony.
We gather inside the lodge together, and you will be with almost 100% other females, in a circle together. I carry in heated stones and arrange them in a center pit, and the medicine man instructs us about our common purpose to pray together and be of good hearts. As the lodge door closes, he pours dippers of water over the stones, creating heat and vapor that cleans our bodies. It is dark, and all people inside pray together--not taking turns, but all at once. We pour our hearts out. We leave whatever we want to be rid of on those hot stones, for God to burn away from us. The round lasts but a few minutes, and we call for the door to open. Light and cool air rush in and relax us. We leave, drink water, and rest.
We repeat this for four rounds. The third round is a healing round, and the fourth round belongs to women, who have the right to speak and instruct men. (it is believed that women's prayers reach the Creator more directly, because women have spiritual authority. So women are the foundation of this ceremony, and all ceremonies). You absolutely do not have to talk; it is simply as the spirit leads you. But when the door is closed, we all pray together...and you can do this silently if you wish, but in the ceremony itself there is a full chorus of voices all speaking to God all at once. Nobody distinguishes one voice from another, or "listens in" to another person.
When it is over, we feel an immense rush of endorphins and spiritual rest. We feel clean (spiritually and physically--the impurities of actual "sweat" are cleaned out of us on the first round, and after that it is pure, clean water vapor that washes us. Oh, and it's great for the skin!). We feel inspired because we have succeeded at something difficult, and left our pain on the stones. The energy and confidence we have afterward is enough to make you want to lift your arms with joy.
I have taken several women into the ceremony, and 100% of them have described it as life-changing. Victoria even had a vision in it. Danee still sees it as the most important moment of her recovery.
Part of the fear some people have about this is the fear that might not "make it" or that they will embarrass themselves. There is no risk of this, because the ceremony is not a test of strength or toughness. It is a gift, and one which people use as they need to. There is no need to "prove" something. I will ask our holy man to run it a bit milder for all of us than he does for the Cheyenne Sundancers and me, where the ceremony is intensely difficult.
It is not a terrifying event. You are not "closed up" with men, and nobody is focused on you--we all pray together and our minds are focused on our own needs and healing. Everyone is very modest, and there is no embarrassing exposure of one's body (women wear cotton, such as sports bra, t-shirt, and exercise shorts. Victoria wore an underwire bra the second time she sweated, and regretted the temporary "tattoo" the wire gave her--ha ha!). I have never seen people so happy as when they come out of the ceremony. It is so cleansing, so humble and comforting, that people--even us grown men--sometimes cry with the happiness of it.
Our medicine man is very good about being gentle and kind. When he prays, he directs his prayers to "Maheo, our Creator, and our savior Jesus Christ." (my church pastor asked to come through this ceremony with me before he accepted his role as pastor of our church). It is not a weird, pagan, or unnatural-feeling ceremony.
For some reason, I thought we were going to WALK on hot stones. LOL! Guess I was very wrong.
I'm wearing my clam diggers, too! :-)
Jeans would not be good for this. Trust me--bring light cotton shorts. You will thank me for it!
Nobody has to do anything they don't want to do. It would be good if you could at least do the fourth round--even if you sit out a round or two before that--because it's the women's round.
I'll talk to the holy man and ask him not to make the ceremony too intense. When I go in with the sundancers, it's VERY hot. A sauna would be considered cool relief. Then again, my 8-year-old goes in with me every week (and he started when he was 6), so it's not dreadful. But I'll ask him to go easy and just make it a soothing experience. He'll understand that.
I just CANNOT wear shorts...
-I'll find something I guess...I really would like one of those outfits in the link LOL
I suppose the thing I was kind of caught by, in the concept of going easy on us, is just this. For most of my life I have struggled. As a child, with the limits of my parents willingness and ability to adequately care for me and my siblings, then there was the rape and the hiding of it, then came marriage and the stress of continuing to hide the truth, ALL of my life has been dotted with despair - really large dots. Once I admitted to myself that rape is a thing that happened to me, not a thing that defines me, then I started to see myself a little less a victim, and a little more as just a woman. If I want the world to see me as an overcomer, a survivor, then I want it to be the no-holds-barred kind of vision they see. I want to attack life with all the gusto I can drum up. I have hidden long enough. This retreat is about celebrating a renewed spirit of healing. So, if this is making any sense at all - I want all the stones, with all the heat. Am I being rude asking this? I really don't want to be, I just want the whole banana pop sickle. I'll explain the metaphor another time, LOL.
First of all, this is completely voluntary! But there is a way to become a participant even if you choose not to (or cannot) go into the sweatlodge itself. Women are essential to this ceremony, and you can choose to remain outside the lodge while others go inside, and join in prayer, meditation, quiet journaling, etc. to support the cleansing prayers. Also, in Native American ceremonies, women who are "in their moon" (that is, on their period) do not join inside most ceremonies. That is NOT an exclusion based on any prejudices about women, but in fact is a form of recognition of women's unique holiness. Women are seen as the spiritual authorities over Indian ceremonies, and are seen as particularly strong, spiritually, at this time (in contrast to any notion of being unclean), and women are seen as having a purification ceremony build right into their own bodies. As a result, women at moon time are seen as having a particularly strong spiritual process within, and are exempt from needing ritual cleansings. It is considered good decorum, in this case, to remain outside the sweatlodge itself. But this does NOT mean exclusion; if this applies to you, then your presence is still greatly valued and even needed. Please attend, and if you do not enter the lodge for this reason you can still be considered part of the cleansing prayer ceremony as described above: join one another in prayer, journaling, meditation, and conversation at the lodge site with the rest of us. Though the role of your participation may be different, do NOT feel that you are not every bit a part of this process.
The sweatlodge is not a religion, it is a form of prayer. The holy person who will conduct the ceremony will pray in native language (Cheyenne) to Maheo, his word for God, and also to Jesus Christ; we see Jesus and Maheo as two expressions of our Creator, and this ceremony is consistent with the beliefs of any spiritual person, and does not ask you to set aside any personal beliefs to embark on a departure to a new form of religion. My church pastor, for example, specifically asked to come to this ceremony prior to accepting his charge as pastor in order to feel cleansed. Many people from all faiths and church denominations participate in this ceremony. There is nothing about this form of prayer that conflicts with a person's own expression of faith.
The sweatlodge is also modest. Because of the use of heat and water as symbols of our cleansing/purification, it is important to wear comfortable clothes. The best option is lightweight colored fabric, such as for exercise, with a fabric sports bra. Remember, you will be washed with clean steam in the lodge, so don 't wear a colored sports bra and white shirt--for obvious reasons. Duh! :)
Bring a towel (a cheap beach towel) and flipflops or non-fancy shoes. You won't wear shoes inside, but to walk there and back.
I'll try to describe this the best way I can, and will answer any questions.
The purpose of the sweatlodge is to cleanse, heal, and purify our bodies and spirits, extinguishing all the things we carry in our hearts and minds that burden us. That is the sole purpose of this ceremony: to engage in prayer while becoming purified. It is regarded as the single oldest human ceremony on earth that is still in practice.
The lodge itself is a low dome-shaped structure. It is made of willows set into the ground and bent over and lashed together to make a frame, over which is layered canvas covering with a low door facing to the east. The lodge resembles a turtle in shape, and it is described as the womb of a mother; we are regarded as having become cleansed like a newborn as we complete the ceremony (notice again the prominence of women as representations of spirituality and purity). Inside the lodge is a shallow pit dug into the soil; we sit directly on the earth at the inner perimeter of the lodge around the pit.
Into this pit will be brought stones heated in our fire, which I will build outside several yards east of the lodge opening (we face our ceremonies to the east to represent the coming of dawn, new light, new growth, hope, and fresh beginning).
Once gathered inside, the stones will be brought in (by me, most likely) and arranged in place in the center pit by James, the holy man/healer who runs these ceremonies. James will speak to us to welcome us, remind us of our purpose in doing this prayer service, and ask us to be mindful of those who cannot be here with us. James will sprinkle pinches of medicinal plant (cedar, sweetgrass) over the stones, giving off a fragrant aroma which we regard as a healing medicine. He will ask us to bless ourselves with that medicine, which we do by reaching hands into the wisps of smoke and pulling the fragrance to our bodies and faces through the air, like reaching into a waterfall to pull clean water to us. There is nothing intoxicating about these medicines; they are just an incense. They represent symbols of the blessings from God we will receive from our prayers, and we receive those blessings to ourselves.
The door will be called for, at which point we will close the lodge. This is the time when newcomers are often worried they will be uncomfortable in the dark, but I can attest that when you actually come to this point things feel quite comfortable: you are surrounded on each side by other women and loved ones, and things are very calm and peaceful. James will begin to pour dippers of water over the stones (think Sauna), and we begin to pray together. James may choose to sing songs in Cheyenne (if I know them, I will sing with him as well). But at this point you will feel the steam rise from the stones, roll over your back, and we will begin to pray together. At this point, do not wait to listen to anyone else; simply begin to pray. Pray in your heart or pray out loud--and we all pray at once, not taking turns. It is customary to hear many people in the lodge all praying at once, all voices overlapping as each person opens their hearts.
The significance of this is that whatever we want to be cleansed from, we pray out and symbolically "leave" on those hot stones to be burned away. We recognize that those stones are ancient and were made by God, and we can leave our burdens with them rather than carrying them onward any farther. So we pray, and pray, from our hearts--even to the point of tears! The heat will swell, and we will cover our faces and bodies with our towels. If it feels intense, then we pray harder: we focus on our prayers, rather than on our bodies and comfort. The round lasts only about 4-5 minutes, and James will call for me to open the door. We are free to leave, cool off, and relax and chat outside.
And that's it! We do four rounds of this. The first round is the most uncomfortable one, because it is a new experience so our bodies have not adjusted; we are cleansing out our bodies and souls, and it feels powerful. Subsequent rounds are much less intense in their feeling (and I've asked James to run the ceremony moderately, because we have all ages and levels of physical health, and most of you have never done this before). The third round is a "healing round," and tends to be shorter than the others, and it is where we pray for healing for ourselves and others. The fourth round is a "women's round," and women speak without interruption about anything on your hearts, all before the door closes and the round begins. Whatever instruction, guidance, or other words you want to share can be spoken then.
After doing these four rounds, something remarkable happens, and I've seen it over and over: women who felt afraid to even participate emerge fearless, relaxed, confident, softened in their hearts, and feeling cleansed. There is a surge of endorphins, but also a deeper, spiritual sense of rekindled connection with one another, with God, with all of creation. There is a sense that you have faced darkness and emerged whole and courageous. You are able to leave incredible heaps of pain and fear on those glowing stones to swelter and burn away, while you emerge from the "womb" of prayer as a new person. It is not uncommon to see tears of joy afterward, even while we acknowledge how difficult the experience has been. I have brought a very few select women/survivors into this ceremony, and all of them remarked that it was "life-changing."
We will have plenty of cold water between rounds, and after we rest and recover we will enjoy our cookout lunch together, and hopefully it will be in the breezes and sunshine or a gorgeous day.
This is not considered a risky experience. In fact, a lot of medical studies remark on the physical health of sauna cleansing (and even suggest that sauna become part of a health regimen), and there is even research coming out about the emotional and spiritual positive effects of this. At first, you will be afraid, but you will not leave with fear. It will be dark, but it is not the darkness of uncertain danger or being alone and lost; it is the kind of darkness where one is safe, protected, bonded in connection on all sides to supporters and allies, all united in common purpose. Inside the sweatlodge, you find the place where you live.
I have taken in three former patients, each of whom was *very* special to me, for the sweat lodge ceremony. I had prepared myself by going to the mountains to pray for each of them beforehand, and to choose just the right rocks to bring back back for them as my way of showing my care for their experiences. And each of them received a small piece of the rocks used in their ceremonies as a keepsake.
Those of us who do sweats regularly will sing songs in the Cheyenne language during each round. you should know that these songs are derived from lullabies that mothers sing to their children, and the symbolism is that you are being "sung over" in a way that's meant to love and nurture you. James, the man who runs the ceremony, told me that we sing mothers' songs for children to "bless the child inside of us" and to "love our innocence." I think you may find that to be very meaningful.
If any of you has cards, letters, photographs, or other paper memorabilia of things you want to get rid of, you could bring them and literally burn them in the fire at the sweatlodge. Consider the symbolism of burning them, and then using the same fire to begin a ceremony that cleanses us.
Thank you so much for the description.