Nah...not interested at all...why would I want to hang out with a bunch of "troubled people"?

Just kidding!

It's already on my calendar.

Lol

On my calendar too! And it's good to have at least a preliminary date. I'm sure my corner of the world will have their opinions of me escaping for my birthday yet again but I cannot help the coincidence of the days ;)

As long as people want my company and the retreat exists i will try my best to attend :) I can't guarantee this year because after only 3 weeks in my job my hours have been halved! :/ Nevertheless I will try

Strongly considering!

Yes!!!
This would be my first and I'm as nervous as Iam.excited!
Need more info on cost and things of that nature. However if I can swing the cost.on my single parent
budget, I will most definitely be there!! ;-)

I am not going now. I logged off as my user name to work on my therapy for a couple of months. I came back here with a new name, because my memory sucks, couldn't remember my password. The women I was friends with here won't respond to personal messages after I explained this.

It's fine, I go to therapy twice a week and I am getting stronger. I needed to leave for awhile to not get so caught up in everyone's business. I needed Stephanie time. I got it, tried to come back here, and this is what I get.

Still working through the book Matt, it's the best one out there that I have found and my therapist and I do work with it each time I visit him. Thanks for that. Have a great retreat! It sounds like fun.

I am sorry you are so angry with us - I know I am one of those women. I am in a tough spot right now for lots of reasons. I think too, for me, it is quite hard to trust someone who comes and goes. I know you are going through some really tough things right now and I am truly sorry that you are. I know you need support and I am sad that you feel you cannot get it here. We are here for you, not friending you is not a personal rejection of you, but a wanting to protect ourselves when we are feeling vulnerable. A lot of us have been hurt a lot in our lives and although we want to walk the healing journey with people, it takes time to build up the trust to open up our private journals etc. Please feel free to post on the RAR site and I know that I will respond to you and I am sure others will too.
I can only speak from personal experience that the retreat is an amazing place of healing. To meet with other women who just 'know' without having to necessarily put words around it is something I have not found elsewhere in my life.

Personally I have no idea who you are, so I apologise if I'm someone you mean too. We have a lot of Stephanie's.

No one begrudges you having "me time" and you're not aware what has been going on with people during that absence either. I used to be more open and now I keep my friends list locked down. The bigger the retreat gets the less likely it is that I will friend purely on that basis either.

I understand why you're upset but I think it's also worth reminding that this is like any friendship circle. Old friends returning can be uncomfortable and can take time. If its been a long time since then you may have trust to build back up.

I am not angry with anyone, I do remember telling a few of you why I needed to leave and was told I would be welcomed back. I get trust issues, I don't feel I have betrayed anyone's, other than the fact I felt I need to concentrate more on myself for awhile. I am still the same person who can now say I am a survivor, not a victim anymore to what happened.

I just don't understand the distance, and Heptet, we were friends too. Under my old name RARmember, along with quite a few of you women. It's only been a couple of months, I guess it's easy to forget though.

I had been a very active poster on the site since I joined. Actually I think I was hogging the boards, then I stuck to my journal. I wish all of you the best.

Unfurling, I hope whatever you are going through that you are receiving help. I always loved your words of encouragement, and Stetfest too. I just miss you ladies, that's all.

Good luck to everyone and have fun at the retreat. I will just keep up with my therapy and continue to heal. Stephanie

I appreciate this is difficult for you but laying down your choice not to go to the retreat on us because we haven't been quick to re-friend you is immensely unfair and hurtful. None of us deserve that responsibility and, given that there are many months to the next retreat, there is plenty of time for friendships to be re-forged.

You're not forgettable but given your own memory issues, I would have thought you would understand myself and maybe others not remembering the link between your new username and who you were.

Noone is forcing you to stay here but telling us it's our fault for not behaving te way you expect isn't acceptable either. Yes, things are a little different but, if you'd asked, they are different for everyone. It's quieter and seems to be a really difficult time for everyone. We're human and just because we haven't opened our journals to you or anyone right away doesn't mean you are being shunned or any less welcomed.

The retreat would be great. I didn't realize how difficult this group was to friend again. I found out in the beginning, it was difficult to get into the circle of friends and I got there.

Now I know we are not supposed to say anything negative here, and I feel you, Heptet, are not being very nice.. I am not blaming anyone, about anything. I think I have made myself pretty clear with that. I spoke about hurt feelings and not placing blame on anyone.

So take it as you will, I voiced my opinion, not in a negative way. I am not leaving this sight, whether any of you want to be friends with me or not. I will not beg. I have finally gotten a good sense of self confidence, and here I feel worse about myself. My own personal feelings.

I don't need to see your journals, I just want the friendship back that I had before I left. But I am finished now. It has nothing to do with any of you. I do NOT blame anyone. I am just moving on for good. I am so glad I got to know most of you for the short time I was here and thank you all for the help you provided to me in my continued healing process.

It looks like we CAN do the horseback riding activity. There's a place a town over that has the gentlest horses, and they do all sorts of cool stuff with them like obstacle courses and team-building games with people on horseback. They'd do a half-day activity, plus serve food (either sandwiches for lunch or food cooked over a campfire at night). We'd be limited to about a dozen people, so either this is first-come, first-served, or we'd need to book two days so half the group can be included each day. Of course, this is all voluntary, as it depends on who wants to participate and it would cost a little extra (still workout out prices, but it's a non-profit group that uses volunteers so it wouldn't be exorbitant).

No speaker sessions this year. With horseback and sweatlodge we want to still preserve as much casual down-time for visiting and relaxing as possible, and not overdo the schedule. Plus, with people liking different things, we want to minimize events that might split the group into joiners and non-joiners, so we can keep that cohesive, friendly feeling.

Almost forgot other good news: the church that owns the property has agreed to "adopt" us because they like what we do so much. That does not mean they will interfere or intrude in any way, and nothing changes with regard to the style and inclusiveness of the event, spiritually. In other words, this does not become a "church" retreat because of it. It means they will regard us an officially-supported church event, as opposed to being an outside group, so we'll be covered under the church's insurance policy and more. Which is a good thing.

I've spoken to the church's legal department in Washington, DC and there are a few terms we have to agree to, but they're manageable. We have to assure them of the following:

1) There will be no counseling or any clinical-style activities that resemble (or could be mistaken for) therapy, crisis care, or psychological services. Everyone who attends must be very clear that this is not a place to come "get worked on" for treatment issues. But that simply continues our five-year policy anyway. I'm not worried about this so much at this point, but to put it in plain language we can't have "trauma drama" at the retreat. That does NOT mean a person cannot express herself with tears, for example, as this has always been described as a healing retreat; it means that none of us at the retreat will be permitted to provide psychological care. We're there for social support, camaraderie, and healing.

2) There must be no risk or acts of harm to any person. That includes self-harm, emotional harm, or medical harm. If a person cannot persevere for the weekend free of harm to self or others, they are not eligible to attend. We're not rejecting anyone by saying this, but there is now a LEGAL standard that holds us liable, and this is not a flexible expectation. Each person who considers attending must understand up-front that the rule is the rule, and that I have to vouch for our event. Please understand that I'm not saying this to be a jerk; it's MY name on the contract, so your judgment impacts me.

3) We have to agree to regulations requiring absolute sobriety. Again, not an issue--that's not a new thing for us. I don't expect to have a problem in this area because we never have. If people want to go into town and have a drink, you're adults and you're free to come and go. But on the property itself, there is a no drugs/alcohol policy. Also, anyone doing the sweatlodge should abstain from alcohol during the week.

This all sounds awesome :)

As someone who did self harm this year..it certainly wasn't planned and I felt I was in a place were I could have said I was feeling the urge. Turns out my self harm wanting inner voice was strong and convinced me nobody wanted to know my drama.

Would this official ruling mean that someone would have to be injury free for a certain amount of time prior to attending so that you could reasonably believe they would cope?

To anyone that does self harm...knowing that the self harm voice can attack at any time, I would choose to not to take razors with me until I had been injury free or a considerable amount of time. There are other hair removal methods I could use so it isn't a massive deal. So I guess I am suggesting that you think of your method and if there are ways you can prevent yourself using those methods.

The retreat has never been a crisis intervention or anything like that. If I were to describe it I would describe it as a weekend of peer support and celebration to honour survivors of rape. There might be fish or other field professionals that attend but none of them specifically attend in that capacity.

Wow, same old rules..I think I can handle that. No, horses for me though, allergic.

I am thinking about it. I may have a kid commitment that weekend.