Lately I have been feeling really hopeless. It seems like its always one thing after another. A month ago, all I wanted to do was enroll back into college my freshman year. Now I am and I hate it. I feel like I'm losing interest in everything. My best friend who I love more than life and who I have always been able to turn to.. well Im pushing her away and am constantly snapping at her. My last attack was a week and three days ago. The detective who became aware of my case a few years back now told me that they are going to pursue an investigation without my consent. I am 18 and do NOT want to press charges. Maybe down the road but I know right now I cant do it. I honestly think this investigation will tear me apart. Thats another bad thing to add to my downhill escalation. Then today I found some hospital papers from one of my emergency room visits. It had a list of all my injuries and how they were caused. I thought I threw them away..guess not. I always knew what my abuser was doing to me, but just reading it today made me feel so heartbroken and low. Today I realized that I should contact my couneslor again. I quit him and Ive quit many other couneslors before too. But lately my thoughts have gotten worse and it scares me. I dont understand. Don't our abusers get it when we've had ENOUGH already!? I've told him time and time again.. but its like he is waiting for the worst possible outcome. Im falling fast it seems and I dont how much more I can take. I just need advice. If you've been in my place and were able to get out of this hole I feel Im in, how did you do it?