I haven't got any quick fix answer for how to make the pain stop, or how to make it okay- because you can't. It hurts for a reason, and it is unfair, and it's not okay. And the questions you're asking here I ask myself time and time again, and I get so angry and upset when I think of what I've suffered, and how my rapist has gone on completley unaffected! It drives me near mad. And he was my boyfriend, and I do miss him sometimes, and wonder if he misses me, and hope that he does and hate that he might not. Which is natural, and not something I blame myself for anymore- and I'm working through it in counselling. But it still makes me feel very sad. I guess, what helps me sometimes is to think: I don;t want to give anymore to him. And I think that I'm so limited in the ways that I could/ did fight him, that one of the best ways to fight him, is to look after myself, and make sure I try make the most out of my life, prove that he hasn';t ruined me. Sometimes it's a huge motivator, not wanting to let him hurt me anymore, I feel almost like I have power back- I'm defying him by looking pretty and getting good grades and smiling. But sometimes no matter what anybody says it's just really, really, sh*t. I'm sorry this is one of these times for you. But know that you're supported, and understood here. Maybe consider cousnelling if you're nto already, my rape crisis counsellor has been very useful. My mum always says this to me: Life isn't fair, but it can be good. The longer and harder you stick in the tunnel of bad thoughts and hating him, which has it's place and is soemthing we all go through, the less likely that you're going to have a good day, and see the things in life which can be good. Please try look for the good, and if you can't find any, then decide to make some yourself :). I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Sorry you are dealing with this.

Well, in the short term, when I just can't seem to get my mind off the past, I ask myself "Do you want to let them take away more time from you that you could be doing something else or thinking about something else?" This is a short term thing I do especially when I need to be focusing on something else.

In the long term - are you in counseling? I really hate counseling. I just started to go back about 2 weeks ago and its been a year since the last time I was raped and I've been raped about 6 times in my life. It is never too late for counseling and sometimes you need it and other times you don't. I'm not paying for it either, I'm going to the YWCA. It helps because I can go and talk to the counselor for an hour and she listens to me and then I don't feel the need to bring it up with someone else (like my boyfriend or my mom) later. I hate going, I hate that I have to go, but it is making a difference and if you're not doing this you might want to consider it.

I still get very angry thinking about how the police have treated me. I don't think we ever forget that and ever completely let go of that anger. For most of us, we're taught "the police will catch criminals and protect you" and then it turns out that's a lie. So many rapist get away. We are never going to be okay with that, especially since we've experienced that personally. So when I read something or think about it, I have to ask myself "is it worth letting the evil cops take away more of my happiness?"

Sometimes when things are REALLY bad, I take a xanax or a kava supplement. I've also started taking omega 3s, which while they don't work instantly, I have noticed that they make it easier for me to deal with things.

Another thing I do is, if I really can't get myself to "let go" I write it all down in my journal and decide that once I'm done writing, I will refuse to let myself think about it for the rest of the day. Sounds corny but it works, at least for me.

Keep being strong. You are learning how to deal and one of the steps is reaching out on a place like DS for help. Unfortunately nothing is over night but since I have joined and received advice and support from this site, its given me the courage to go to counseling and to try to heal and get better. I don't know if we ever truly "get over" our pasts but I do know we can use them to make ourselves strong, inspirational people and help others. feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to and I'm sure others here will offer the same - we're a great group here.