18 years ago as a young man of 21 I qualified as a holistic therapist and was qualified to give aromatherapy, reflexology, Indian head massage and all sorts. I had a client who came to my house for treatments. One day he asked if I would include his chest in the treatment and I agreed. Part way through it became apparent that he was enjoying it a bit more than was appropriate. As the treatment drew to a close he said lightheartedly he was feeling "incredibly horny" and that he "nearly made a mess" of the towels he was lying under. Feeling very awkward but not wanting to cause a fuss I smiled and tried to brush it under the carpet. Next week he came again and something very similar happened, only this time he began touching my leg and then touched my crotch. I said at that point it shouldn't go any further. Like an idiot I didn't stop him coming for treatments, and the next time he came was when he anally raped me. I was 21, he was well into his fifties. I never reported it. And now 18 years later I can't remember his name and have absolutely no way of tracing him. I have never told a single person about this, and recently have made friends with a woman who is a sexual assault survivor and it's brought back so much of what happened. I don't even know what I'm posting on here for. I don't know what to do with these feelings of anger as a man letting another man do that to me and guilt for not stopping him. Thanks for reading.