Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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/ Rape Support Group

They Said It Wasnt Rape What Do You Think?

freedomlover
freedomlover
my ex bf did a number on me. everyone says its not rape or ignores it. they dont care. i dont know if i can even call it rape or not.....i suffer from dpepression and low self confedence and this guy new it. we started going out and he used me i know that now. but he promised me everything i ever dream off. he promised me what he new i wanted. craved dreamed. we were best friends before we started going out. n hed slwoly nit pick at things or say stuff till i was always wondering what i was doing wrong. n he always wanted sex. he broke my dreams. we were having sex but h kept pressuring me do to stuff i wasnt comferble with during it. or hed just do it after i said no. " i promise i wont do it again, i promise" that was bullshit couse hed do it and he knew it hurt. he treated me like shit when we were together/ even dyllin steped in and told him to be nicer. to back off and dyllin never does that. fianlly we broke up. and hed emmbarsse me. hed steal my tanktop and bikina top when we were swimming and make me ride home like that. and he forced himself on me when we got home. whenever he got a chance hed do it. even with pl there he didnt care. he riducule me. one day after swimming with a group of ppl i was having a shower he came into the bathroom and stared. talking to me. he knew i didnt want him there i told him to get out. he didn listen. then he crawled in the showere with me and kept poking me i told him no and he kept doing it to he got what he wanted. he wouldnt stop. i said no over and over again everytime he wouldnt stop. but i didnt scream, i didnt use vilonce i couldnt at that point..... and theres so many other times he;d do that. i dont know what to think i get panic attacks and freak out and cry. i cant even have a shower and feel safe anymore. did i deserve this? was it rape? or was it my fualt?i need help this is killing me inside please
deleted_user
deleted_user
None of this was your fault. You didn't deserve any of it and I'm so sorry to read that this has happened to you.

We all respond differently to trauma - it can be really hard to fight back and sometimes we just go into shock. What happened to you does sound like rape to me - all you should have to say is "no" or give some indication that you do not want something and people should get the hint. He didn't respect your boundaries because he is a selfish sociopath. You shouldn't have to do more than say no for someone to respect you.

I was in an abusive relationship where the guy raped me and also caused me a lot of psychological and physical harm. To this day people still don't acknowledge what happened including my family. It hurts a lot when people don't acknowledge what has happened to you.

Are you in any counseling? I have found the crisis centers to be useful to me. Like stoical said, you should focus on you now and what makes you happy because you deserve happiness. I'm so glad you broke up with him.

It's taken me a while to heal but I'm getting there. One of the things I have discovered is, usually the people who don't believe me have something else wrong - like my mom was in denial. That's why she said she didn't believe me. My ex's friends didn't believe me because everyone thought he was so charming and wonderful though one of his friends recently contacted me, apologized for not taking my side and said he was sorry for not realizing what this jerk was doing to me. So I say if someone doesn't believe me it's on their conscience, not mine. In the past year or so I have met some friends who do believe me and don't question it. You know what happened, and you know the truth - hold on to your truth. I believe you and I'm sure everyone else here believes you too.

Hang in there. Time will help you heal too. I'm so glad you are no longer with this person. You're very strong for making that decision.
deleted_user
deleted_user
it is NOT your fault.....you said no and he didn't respect you.....after being through a trauma can be hard to do simple things...for me i freaked out everything i had a small hand towel-i was gagged with one-so it's normal for you to be scared when you take a shower....i'd definitly say that you need to see a therapist or counselor if you aren't already......and i'd cut off all contact with him and don't tal kto him....hop this helps...if you need anything feel free to contact me!!!!!
Gidzmo
Gidzmo
I quite agree with Stoical--all of what your ex-boyfriend did was wrong. What part of 'no' didn't he understand?
freedomlover
freedomlover
the part he didnt understand in no was he new my dad and his dad were bwst friends. he knew i couldnt say anyting to anyone becouse of that. he knew id be the one getting in trouble no him..... and he new he had control couse i started to give up....he use to always bitch about me smokeing. i remember one time i drove the s=guys to the ski hill for them to board and on the way back i had one drag off of a smoke. one and he sulked and bitched the whole way home and then ignored me or was mean that whole night. he new i was to weak to go agaisnt him at that point
Gidzmo
Gidzmo
What he did to you was wrong on all levels. He's what I call a control freak--and worse, one who took advantage of that friendship between your parents.
freedomlover
freedomlover
i kept my mouth shut becouse my parents wouldnt belive me or theyed blame me for fucking up......and for trying to distroy a friendship ext/ they would have said i was lieing....and i didnt want to disapoint my parents
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is not your fault. I'm a guy and I would NEVER think of doing anything my girlfriend didn't feel comfortable with. I'm glad you left him. Try and think of yourself for a bit, go to therapy and get these terrible memories dealt with. My girlfriend was also sexually assaulted and it's taken her a lot of time to heal, she'n still struggling with flashbacks and occasional panic attacks. I try my best to help her, but really, I think you should focus on you for a while. You a re a valuable, intelligent sweet woman, don't let this screw you up. We're here for you. I wish my gf had known about this group a year ago. Take care!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh and hey? I wrote this post from my gf's profile so you can have her info, maybe she can help you... Take care
deleted_user
deleted_user
i know exactly where you are coming from thats the same reson i havent told anyone yet
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, it was rape. No is no. Simple as that. You dont need to scream or try to fight him off. The simple word NO should always be enough to stop them. If they keep going, its rape. You.Were.Raped. Dont let anyone tell you thats not what happened. YOU were there, YOU know if you wanted to do it or not, and YOU know how you feel about it now. What to do about it is a whole 'nother thing. That is up to you. Either continue to see him and know it will probably happen again. Refuse to be around him, cut him out of your life, and never see him again. Or you could report him and try to take him down so he cant hurt other people. Whatever you do, I wish you the best!! Take care!!
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