I haven't been on for a really long time, and I'm not so sure why I'm writing again. But I think its because no one around me understands what I'm saying, and I know some of you will. Last winter and spring a detective in my town started investigating my case. I didn't want an investigation and since I refused one, he told tons of people I was lying. He went around to my family and friends and shared awful, embarrassing details of my rapes to them. I was never planning to tell them, it was my secret. After he told them, he explained to them that I was "sick". That I had made everything up and so on. A lot of people close to me started treating me different, and thought so different of me. Middle of the summer I was feeling really down. The very first detective on my case was a female, and it got switch over to this loser detective because the female one and I became friends. I had told the female det. how I was feeling, and she called in for a patrol officer to pick me up and take me to a stress center. Instead, this other male det. overheard and said he wanted to take me. The entire time he cut me down and made me feel so guilty. He lied to the hospital workers and told them I was extremely violent (which I am not at all). I ended up having to stay an entire week because of him and his lies. Anyways, point is law enforcement experience was very bad for me. Now at this time, the female detective who know considers me family and her family has completely welcomed me, wants me to consider pressing charges. I am against it because of what happened before. She keeps telling me that its "my" choice if I want this to stop. It makes me feel like she thinks I am okay with it continuing because I wont do an investigation. But I'm not ok with it. I feel like I'm drowning and no one understands. Suddenly its all my fault because according to them I have all these choices, when I feel like I have none. Am I wrong?