I was assaulted in November. This was the third time something like that has happened to me. I went through it twice when I was 18 and all I could think the third time was "How is this happening again?" which leads me to question my own behaviour. I went to counselling for 3 years to work through what I went through and I came out strong and confident. I started to date freely and hook-up with people (safely) using dating apps. This guy met me and all of my friends in a club with his own friends. All of my friends knew him by face and name by the end of the night, I got a vibe after a few hours together, I didn't drink too much, all of my friends knew my address, they knew I made the decision to take him back to mine, my phone was fully charged. I took so many precautions This was something I had done before. But despite it being a consensual choice to begin with, he changed behind closed doors, and became aggressive and violent. It came down to him being stronger than me. And for a while I fought. I remembered all that hard work I'd put in counselling to vocalise myself in these situations, to be confident, to not let this happen again, but physically I didn't stand a chance. I gave in. I let it happen, same as the last two times five years before that. 
My best friend from home told me it was my fault. That I'm not equipped for sexaul freedom. That I should have screamed and woken my housemates up. I had no one of explaining how hard it is to move, let alone speak when you're terrified and overpowered. But her comment has really opened something inside of me. Am I not equipped? Can survivors of assault not do this stuff? Did I do something wrong in this situation that prevented me from being able to protect myself from this happening again?

Am I the only one who feels this way? It's something that I'm still struggling to resolve within myself every day.