It's hard for me to say. Eventually the reminders from the triggers around me were introduced to me (at age 32, I might add) as flashbacks. These have an approach that's unique and I'm not familiar with it. Are you getting the support you need? I really recommend working with someone who is trained and has the ability to counsel in rape survivor issues. Not everyone is able to do this. But when you find someone who is able to, the work is more directed and I think coming to terms with rape is more efficient. But that's just my experience.

The first problem I see with this post is that you are trying to run away from your rape. That won't work...ever. You can't hope it all goes away - it won't. Facing it head-on and processing your pain and fears is the only way to make sure that it doesn't continue to find it's way into your life for decades to come.

I can say this with authority, because I was raped in 1970...and I ran from it. It found me with a vengeance in 2006, at the age of 48. I was ill-prepared to deal with it. I am in therapy, and have been since that time. The therapy would have been much more effective had I engaged in it back when the rape happened, before PTSD was so deeply seated in me.

Don't run. Don't hide. Rape is a fact of your life and you need to face it, deal with it...and beat it down! It can be done.

You mention your one year old. Was he a product of the rape? If so...there is a thread here right now of young women who lost their pregnancies to miscarriage, all of them from acts of rape. They have deep regret over their loss. Look at your son with joy, and raise him to be a man of character. Your rape need never affect him in a negative way.

Like mockingbird...I ran for a long time too. Literally. When I lived in the abusive home where I was being raped at the whim of a madman...every chance that I got I went running. I mean real running...long and far, the farther the better. The worst was always the run home...I knew that it was only a matter of time until the next attack. The fear would build with every step. I run now as well, but not with that same fervor. I run now because I am home, not because I am running away from home.

But in so far as running away from my rapes in my mind...it was by far the worst thing that I could have done to myself. It ate at me and ate at me and ate at me until I was so twisted up on myself that I just didn't know which end was up anymore. I was able to work through so many things in therapy and still continue to work on my feelings to this day. But I will tell you this much...although I still continue to work on them, I no longer feel as though my internal organs are a gigantic pressure cooker just waiting to explode at any minute. I do have some peace and a wonderful life that I am so grateful for.

My hope for you is to confront this issue in therapy if possible (I know that it will be hard...very hard) and to find the life that is waiting for you and your son on the other side.

Mockingbird is right...it never goes completely away. But running from it and stuffing your feelings is kind of like a wound deep down inside of you. It will be much harder to deal with later once the deep infection sets in and festers. You can beat this rape down into its place...please remember....You are not the things that have happened to you. And you are not alone.