I was 14, it was almost two years ago and now my parents are all excited to celebrate my sixteenth birthday, but I don't know if i can sit around acting happy when all i can think of is the first time my then boyfriend raped me. Before that i remember he would push me to do things or slap me around, but that was the first time he forced himself on me. It was the start of an abusive relationship that lasted for months. Not to mention the next month, on the fourth of July (the only time i was able to get out of the house by myself) i went to the store and got  a pregnancy test. It was positive. Several months after i miscarried. My theory is that it was from being hit around too much, but i dont actualy know what happened. I don't want to be surrounded by family and friends and i don't want to celebrate! My parents know i was "sexually abused" and that was it. I never told the whole story in the police report, i was ashamed, embarassed, and i felt like it was my fault, maybe if i'd given in he would've been nicer. Maybe if i'd done what he'd said i would't have gotten slapped. Either way my family definately acts like i should be ashamed. They tell me that i shouldnt tell anyone, that they'll think badly of me, as if it's my fault. And this year, my rapist will be released from parol and it scares me. There is nothing for me to celebrate. I've tried so hard to cope with it, last year i holed myself up in my room for my birthday, this year that apparently isnt an option.