Hi I am really sorry this happened to you. I was raped by my ex husband he was violent and abusive for the whole time we were married. The rape was the final straw and I could not cope with it anymore. Once i left him I discovered that I was pregnant and I had an abortion which I think about everyday and have done for the last 7 year's. I can relate to u as my ex tried to kill himself and nearly died. I started counselling and had that for 4 years which really helped me. However I still struggle with it all. I moved house and away from the area so that I felt safe. Only close family and friends know where I live that makes me feel safe. It takes time to get your life back but we have to learn to live with what we went through which can be really difficult. I have serious issues with sleeping because when I was with him he used to hit me while I was asleep and then I stopped sleeping cos I didn't know what he would do to me and I still live with this fear which is horrible. Since then I have been on my own as i am scared and don't want to be hurt again although I know that not all men are the same..I also hate being touched by anyone and it really freaks me out and I do feel really bad for pushing people that are close to me away but I can't help it. Does he know where you live?? I always make sure all the doors and windows are locked, I keep my phone with me all the time. If u wanna speak u can message me take care.