This is part of the new book I'm writing, but it sounds like some words of encouragement could be used here. Please let me know if it's helpful.

------------

If you truly want to do the work to transform into a survivor, one of the fundamental first steps is to forgive yourself for how long you have already struggled, and to preemptively forgive yourself for however long the process will take. This isnt like getting over a cold, and well-meaning people may heap pressure on you with hurry up and get over it messages. Rape is a life-changing experiencethe most severe form of physical assault short of homicideand it is perfectly acceptable for you to work at your own pace. The United Nations considers rape to be a form of personal terrorism, so try not to be rough on yourself for the time its taken to arrive at today.

If you wish to successfully transform into a survivor, you must take care of yourself. You cannot succeed at this work if you are skipping therapy sessions, avoiding homework, using drugs (including alcohol and marijuana) during the process, or ignoring medical self-care (including responsible and consistent use of psychiatric medications). If you are not willing to form a personal covenant to manage your physical, emotional, and even spiritual health during this process, this transformation will be more painful than healing.

This does mean you are failing if you have slip-ups. From time to time, nearly every rape victim Ive counseled has relapsed in some form: a night of binge-drinking, an episode of cutting, a regretted sexual experience with an unloved person. I cannot give any permission or approval of any of these things, but I can understand them. If you slip up, make a pledge that you will immediately divulge the incident to your therapist, rather than hiding it. You can use these relapses to learn more about recovery by identifying triggers and stressors, and tracking down the inner thoughts (self-talk) you sometimes have that promote relapses. There is a Buddhist teaching that no experience is a failure if it promotes new learning.

The goal of each day is progress, not perfection. Ive had clients who are reluctant to even do journaling because they are afraid the writing will be imperfect or that they will say something badly. Other clients of mine have hidden the fact that on weekends they may have become intoxicated or had unhappy sex with someone they didnt even care about. They are afraid I will judge them (because they are already telling themselves that these incidents make them worthless, failures, or freaks). The progress in therapy halts, and I can sense it, but until they come clean we cannot cope with the issue.

Remember, if you do slip up or relapse, it does not mean that every sign of progress before is suddenly erased. It does not mean that you start again at square one, with no strengths and no victories. You still get to keep and draw on all your previous successes, and relapses do not suck them away from you like a tidal wave.