Im not good at posting my feelings; Im still hiding a bit. Does anyone else get triggers from work? Would you look for a new job? Would your triggers follow you? Do you think about new triggers? Or do I just over analyze everything to hide my true fears, and dilute reality?

My job is full of triggers, and I work there still. I am determined to beat them, and to accomplish a days work without coming undone. Some days are better than others. I am a nurse in a Urology practice. I deal with men and women, and the bodily fluids from both. It is not easy. My therapist tells me that, when a thing is too great a trigger, that there are times when avoidance is the healthier choice. NOT for the sake of avoidance, but for the sake of a healthy realization that not everything will be best resolved by 'staring down the demon'. So, I am working on accepting that some things may not change, but that it doesn't make me weak or abnormal. I am okay despite those things.

Yes, I sometimes get triggered at work as well. I work near and closely with several women about the same age as my rapist. As the owner and other male coworkers often work remotely or are on business travel, I am frequently on conference calls with one or two of the young women in a closed meeting room. Of course, my former supervisor often had closed door meetings with me and got close to me to work off my desktop during such sessions. Major triggers. After several times of suggesting we use the "large screen" in one of the unoccupied conference rooms I think she got the hint.

As the women I work with on a regular basis are aware of my rape and some key specifics, they understand when I start to "wig out" and usually check up on me on those days to make sure I get some air or take a walk with me to Starbucks. Still, I end up feeling very guilty about it. They have been nothing but helpful and nice to me since the memories came back full force in May.

Hopefully, I'll be able to pay them back for their kindness some day.

I can fully relate. I work in boot camp hosting 200 criminally neglegent youth. We have Alpha/Bravo Units for violent crime, Charlie Unit for females, and Delta Unit for firestarters and Sex offenders. The only reason I ever go to Charlie is for staff support to restrain a chick. Alpha/Bravo I run. I take the power from the youth and take their choices. I run the units. I've worked on Delta but not often. I refuse to allow myself to feel fear when I voice out the floor. They have no idea who I am when I go up there, but lol, they've heard of me and they've heard yell. They're only two floors up from my units. I won't leave my job. Even though I was very recently raped by a co-worker and only the females who work there (which are few) beleive me. I won't leave. I'll walk into the lions den and I'll hold high and I'll fight. Some of the chicks at work say it's stupid to go back, other's say the "boys club" we work at is crashing down because I'm pushing it over. Either way, I have more to prove by staying than by leaving. The kids will not once see my weaknesses and neither will the staff.

So to answer your questions... YES my work is full of triggers (listening to the kids talk of their violence and how GOOD it made them feel, dealing with them when they get violent (towards others and most commonly towards me), and most recently having to deal with this jerk of a man who attacked me. YES, I would look for a new job but I would be disappointed in myself if I allowed Jason (the ass who attacked me) to feel any victory over me again. He took certain choices away from me. I won't let him take this one. Fuck him. NO, triggers don't have to follow for me. I've had several revalations in the last few days and quite honestly I am much stronger than I seem at times so I could completely leave this all behind. But I refuse. It happened. It's real. I'm dealing with it. and what I hold more important than all of this, is NO I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING. I don't think about new triggers anymore. I know to much about the mind to attempt to sabatash myself.

Your last question... The first time this happened to me I overanalyzed everything and it took me forever to move on. Why did I go? Why did I wear that? Why did I drink? Why didn't I leave? Why did I go upstairs? Why did I... Why did I? As cold and hard as it seems I needed the harsh reality of... Ok, What can I do to move on. I needed time to focus on everything that cut me deep. But once I actually started accepting it, it got really hard. Then one day it got easier.

I think fear is overrated. It is why I do what I do. It is why I look the lion in the face swallow my fears and kick his ass by just showing him I will never be afraid the way I was. He can't hurt me any more. At this point I can only slowly tourcher myself... And quite honestly I won't do it. I'm not afraid of him. At this point, he should be afraid of me. Because not only am I unbelievably pissed off about WTF he did, but I also know how to tear his life apart. And I'm slowly working on it. Revenge is a bitch, but not a bigger one than me right now :)

SMILE! your stronger than you give yourself credit for.