Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I wasn't raped but I found all of the sexual assault support groups to be fairly dead, most likley because people think it isn't a big deal. At least it wasn't rape. Thats what I always get, but if it wasn't a big deal I would be able to move on. I was 14 at the time, was in a relationship with a bad guy because thats what I thought I deserved. One day he got me a little tipsy then took me on a walk in the forest. He started kissing me, and then he took off my pants and fingered me and di other things. I get okay it wasn't rape but i still remember the pain of his dry fingers, and my wishing for someone, anyone to walk by and get him off me. I wanted to scream but couldn't move. Now in my relationship I randomly will get scared when we fool around, I'm dating a better guy so he of course stops and hugs me till I stop shaking. But I just am so mad at him. Im mad that every time i go outside I'm scared he'll be there, that everytime someone sneaks up behind me I jump a little. That I can't be normal around my boyfriend because Im scared to let my guard down. Sometimes I just imagine stabbing him to death over and over and over again, him begging for his life but I don't give it to him because I know he doesn't deserve it. Also I never told the police because I was scared I guess, and I found out he raped another girl. If I would have told the police maybe that wouldn't have happened. Anyway I'm just completely lost right now so if anyone could give me some guidance that would be much appreciated.
Have you gone to the police yet? I think you should so that this doesn't happen to anyone else ever again.
Do your parent(s) /guardian(s) know? Are you in counseling? If you aren't I'd suggest you find one so you don't have to deal with this alone. Big hugs!
Being easily startled, the homicide fantasies, crying during intimacy...i know those things well, and they can definitely start to fade with time and professional help.
I also struggled with guilt that not going to the police (I waited 3 years) put other women in danger, but we all do the best we can. There’s no way you are responsible for his actions. If you do feel up to it, get in touch with the police. If not, remember we’re all doing our best and that’s the most we can do.