I think the worst people to go to after you have been raped is family and friends. I'm glad DS is available where I can feel comfortable and know I will get support here.
A lot of people like friends and family can be triggered by this because maybe they are hiding being raped in their own life and they don't want anyone to find out. It's like it hits them too close to home. You know what I mean? So they run, as far as they can. It could also be that they are afraid of somebody who is so open and doesn't have a problem talking about it. It could be a lot of different things.
You are doing the right thing by talking about it. You talk about it and talk about it and write and write about it til you get so sick of it. That's how you get as much relief from it as possible. Just don't talk about it to the wrong people. It sounds like anybody in your community would be the wrong person. But you have all of us. And you can journal on DS.

Poodledoodle,

I am sorry to hear that you have lost friends over times, since March. People who gossip, have nothing better to do, so they gossip. Just ignore it. It may be hard to ignore it since you llive in a small community. You came to the right place, on here, to talk to other people, in similar situations, as you. You did the right thing,by reporting it to the police and there was a confession. I promise you, you will get through this. We are here for you.

Poodledoodle,

I'm sorry to hear about how you've been treated by small-minded folk who have no lives and revel in making other feel as small as they do. I hope you are able to find some real, true friends to lean on who will not run to the town gossips to make themselves feel important and popular.

I can relate having grown up in a small town. I currently live in a fairly large community as my county has over a million residents, so I blend in easily. However, I grew up in a community smaller than 1000 people. I can only imagine the gossip train that has ensued all over town since I told my own story online two years ago.

Most of these people stood idly by and did nothing while I was getting beat up and harassed daily while growing up - and some of them were the parents of the kids doing it. Unless they have something supportive to say or wish to share their own stories with me, I've no desire to listen to any garbage nor will I do so respectfully. I put up with enough growing up. Anyone from that area who has something negative to say can do it to my face and risk the consequences of a direct confrontation over it. I'm no longer the skinny little kid who got picked on and beat up. I grew up, spent six years on active duty in the USMC and have survived a traumatic and life-changing experience. It may sound bad, but I really don't care what someone who never cared in the first place has to say about me now.

I hope you are able to get someplace safe mentally and find some true friends who care more about the trauma and less about the drama.

You shouldn't have to hide the fact that you were raped, but I have found it makes life much easier not to let everyone know. None of my current friends know...but I was raped 5 years ago, so I have changed location and friend groups. I am still friends with the people I told before...at least the ones worth keeping. Basically, just don't worry about it. I know it's so fresh right now and it really sucks that the people you thought were close to you are leaving you high and dry, but just hold on to those who love you. Ignore the gossips and the idiots. You know what happened to you. He knows what he did. Give it some time, baby girl, things will get better.

thanks for your replies. i'm just realizing that people are insecure and bored. i think they often gossip because it's fun and they have nothing better to do. or, they don't like me because they are insecure about something in themselves. i ran into someone yesterday that i hadn't seen in years. she had heard a bunch of rumors and they were insane! they were totally off base. it's like the game "operator" or "telephone" - i can't remember what it's called. there's nothing i can do about it but know what happened and live my life. i'm just going to try to take it one day at a time.

Hang in there girl. It will get better, it will take time. Focus on yourself and don't worry too much about the gossip out there.

I hear you loud and clear!
I wrote a whole journal entry over on RAR about losing one of my best friends. I have this intense paranoia about people who are mutual contacts with my co-worker and I am unable to trust them.
Sorry you are going through this but I hope in time you will find the people who support you are really the only ones you really need.

i agree with everyone here i was raped and pregnet in high school some of the girls called me a slut whore and every thing else i think they where trying take the heat off themselfs because they where

I know exactly what your going through. I was raped when I was in school, and the worse part was that he was a cop. He was dating one of my friend's sisters. I thought I could trust him. Little did I know that he would do that to me. We had people over at my friend's sister's house the night it happened. Everyone was outside hanging out and I had gone in the house to go into the bathroom, and that's when he came in. I now have a phobia of being in bathrooms. I don't trust the cops because everyone on his force tried to cover it up because he was one of them, and cops just don't do those things. I had to have friends testify in court. A lot of people stopped talking to me after that due to them having to go to court. Pretty much the whole school knew. I didn't graduate with a small class either. It turned into a big story too because he was a cop. My parents weren
t even there for me. I was pretty much all by myself. I never thought that I had anyone on my side. You don't need friends like that. When things get tough and they can't be there for you. They aren't good friends. It took me a long time to realize that. Just stay strong girl, and you`ll get through it.

FEAR. Good old fashioned fear. (The root of all evil-- IMHO). There are many people who truly believe deep in their gut that the world is a fair, just place. This naive belief creates "blaming the victim". They can not stand the idea that the world could actually be unjust and cruel. That a man could actually harm a woman like that. Hence they blame the victim and that makes them feel safe. It gives the ilusion that the world is a fair place. this in turn gives them the false feeling of being safe.

The hardest thing to do is bto be abe to resond to these accusations with the udnerstanding that they are just trying to protect themselves. That it is THEIR problem.

Ooh, now this title caught my attention immediately.
(I've been away from DS for a few months, dealing with work stress, etc, but I used to be a regular on this group. I may get round to re-introducing myself properly :)

Hate to say it, but I've had the same thing happen to me in the past. No-one has ever said anything outright to me, such as "I can't handle hearing about it", but yes the embarrassment often comes through, the sudden excuses to not see me, the old "we must catch up again soon" that never amounts to anything ..................... it gets depressing, and I've become quite cynical about making continued efforts with people like that.

Ironically, since I'm still in the habit of thinking that most men are assholes, it's actually been my male friends who have turned out to be the most un-fazed by hearing about my past. They tend to be the most reliable friends who I can still meet up with regularly and have a relatively 'normal' friendship (beer and b-movies, talking about motorbikes, zombie attacks, etc.............. OK, I said relatively normal lol!) I don't necessarily want to discuss the issues in-depth with any of my friends, but it's good to know that they can still accept me as I am.

I still think no-one should feel that they mustn't talk about their past experiences - but in practice, I do spend a lot of time self-censoring and being cautious who I confide in. Seems strange and very sad to me that I've had to work so hard at therapy and coming to terms with the rape, but it will only upset other people too much to hear about it. But on the other hand, if concealment means that I can get through life day to day and be treated as a rational adult, then sometimes that's the best way to go.