Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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I think I was raped?

CoffeeQueen
CoffeeQueen

Several months ago me and my boyfriend (ex boyfriend now) got a hotel room for the night so we could drink and be alone. I told him before we even started drinking that I didn’t want to have sex and he promised me nothing would happen. Well several drinks later while I’m trying to go to sleep I feel him start to kiss me and I’m physically too drunk to push him off of me. So as I’m laying there still aware of what he was doing but too drunk to say stop I don’t want this I feel him slowly taking off my clothes and proceeding to have sex with me. (This was the second time he did this too.) And when I woke up the next morning he acted like nothing even happened. So was this partly my fault because I put myself in the situation for a second time? And does this even classify as rape since both of us were drunk?

gregsbaby
gregsbaby
No means no and he didn't respect your wishes and went ahead and forced himself on you, so yes he raped you.

Did you have an open containers of drinks and you left the room, because it sounds like he gave you the date rape drug.

If you're not in counseling maybe you should look into it.
CoffeeQueen
CoffeeQueen
As far as I know he didn’t put anything in there. It was a freshly opened bottle.
wallflower9
wallflower9
I personally hate that anyone would ever suggest that rape could in any way be the victims fault. I was and am in a catholic and all through out junior high, the religion teachers would say how in some cases the victims are at fault for making poor choices. But lets think about it logically. If someone got murdered by someone and were too drunk to run away, would you say oh its not murder they made it easy to kill them because they were drunk? No. That's just dumb. You stated you didn't want it earlier. You then later did not consent to him touching you let alone having sex. This guy sounds like a complete douche bag and I am glad you are no longer with him. Have you gone to the police?
CoffeeQueen
CoffeeQueen
I just feel like it’s my fault because I put myself in that situation for a second time so I should have known the outcome. And I didn’t go to the police. I don’t even know how to tell my mom this happened. I’m so glad I’m not with him anymore either.
wallflower9
wallflower9
That’s completely normal. Especially if you are one to blame yourself for things that go wrong around you. But I promise it isn’t your fault. Not even a little. That feeling you have will go away eventually. Maybe not completely but you will be able to see soon that he’s the monster and in reality you could have done everything to prevent it, even not drinking I bet eventually he still would have done it. Now I know you feel it’s because u feel you should have learned, but I get that. I do. Sometimes we need to believe the people we trust won’t hurt us again, that it was just one mistake. It’s hard to let go of those we love or like, it truly is, but that doesn’t make it your fault either way. This first time was his fault and even though you didn’t leave the second time is still his fault he didn’t change and you thought maybe he would and that is nothing to feel guilty over. And you know what I didn’t go to the police either. Is that a good choice? Some say definitely not, others say yes. It’s a personal choice, at the end of the day what would make you feel the best, and if that’s not dragging it out in court then that’s okay or if you want to ruin his life but taking it to the police that’s okay too. It’s honestly all up to you no choice is more right than another. So yeah try not to blame yourself. Stay strong. Hugs