About six months ago while I was away at college one weekend me and my roommate decided to go to a party.  We both got really drunk and I decided to go home while she stayed back with some of her friends.  I wind up getting home around 2 and about an hour later i get a facetime from my roommate in a different dorm with multiple guys.  She had gone back to their suite.  She goes into the bathroom and tells me to come there because she didnt want to be alone.  At this point I was sobering up and ran over to the other dorm so my roommate wouldnt be alone with 6 guys.  I get there and she's was drunk from the party and they were all drinking in the suite.  We are all hanging out and i started to drink right out of a ciroc bottle, I dont remeber how much i had but i slowly was starting to feel drunk again.  you know when you just keep drinking cause you say you "dont feel it" but it just hasnt hit you yet, well that was my mind set.  I kept drinking.  Time has passed and im very drunk, and i can only remember bits and pieces.  I remember seeing my roommate talking to a guy on the couch and as i see her talking to a guy, one of the other guys is leading me to his room to "chill."  I go into his room which is part of the suite thinking we are just going to talk because he left his door to his own room open, me thinking nothing is going to happen because the doors open.  Nows when i start to black out.  I only remeber leaning against his raised bed with the door open and him facing me and talking to him.  I vaguely remeber getting on his bed and just sitting up agaisnt the wall almost blackening out, with him still standing.  Next thing i know someone is banging on his door, its morning, and i have absoultely no pants on and im laying next to the guy that wanted to "chill" i wake up and start yelling at him what time is it what time is it he wakes up jumps off the bed and says 9:30am.  My roommate opens the door in a panic i look at her and i say we have to go! she said i know! when we looked at eachother we really didnt have to say anything we both just knew but said that so we could get the fuck out of there.  It was parents weekend that morning and we completley forgot our parents were visiting us at 10 am.  We start sprinting out of their dorm and are running as fast as we physically could to our dorm.  the enitre run back i had this sick gut feeling that something felt wrong but i couldnt remeber what.  I run into the bathroom to shower and wash my makeup off from the night of parting and seeing a crust over my lashes and forehead, i start thinking to myself thats strange my makeup never flakes off and looks like this.  After a couple minutes of just starring at my face i had realized it was cum.  Having been in a panic freaking out about my parents coming to visit me in a half hour when i was an isane mess i thought i had no time to think about what had happened but i knew in my head what had happened i was raped while i was blacked out.  Atfer my family had visited and i had time to think i had gotten the guys phone number from my roommate who i dont even know why she had his number.  I texted him hey sorry this is blunt but did we fuck last night, he replied its okay and yeah why?  As soon as i read that text i felt sick, my heart dropped and i felt like i was gunna vomit.  i answered "i just wanted to know because i was so shitfaced i dont remeber" and he replies "really i didnt think you were that drunk to not remember."  At this point i still felt sick that he was saying this and i was trying so hard to remember even kissing him and i cant even remember that.   After this had happened i never spoke about it and just tried to forget it.  I didnt feel i was a victim of rape or that i had the right to say that because how could i have the right to say that when i dont even rememebr it happening. recently i had watched a show where the same exact situtation had happened to a girl in the show, the girl in the show had realization and came to the terms that it actually did happen and started to hysterically cry.  I started to cry in hysterics because i know exactly how she felt.  I just still cant believe it happened.  I also HATE THAT I CANT REMEBER IT BUT KNEW IT HAPPENED.  How was i suppose to report this when i couldnt rememebr it, i never reported it.  Today is the first time i actually came to realization and couldnt stop crying thinking about that im a rape victim.  noone ever thinks it will be them or that it could happen to them.  Now every time i see this guy out at parties or the street i literally feel such a disgust it makes me want to vomit knowing that he thinks it was fine when it wasnt.  Oh and i forgot to mention one time he tried to come up to me at a party after the rape and say hey remember me that one time you and your roomate were at our suite, he was trying to jog my memory of that night without saying we fucked.  I froze and felt sick again what was i suppose to say i definitely wasnt going to say oh yeahhh heyyy how are you.  all i wanted to do was punch him in the face and kick him in the balls.  I said im sorry no he kept asking i said no im sorry i dont rember that i have to go and walked away and almot threw up in the bathroom.  Seeing his face literally makes me sick and want to cry, i see him as a rapist nothing else no matter what.  i just feel like if i ever explained this story to a family or friend i would be judged and they wouldnt understand how i knew it was rape. i just had a gut feeling it was and waking up with nothing on and cum on my face kinda gave it away too. i felt and still feel like what if i wanted it to happen or what if i kissed him first but then the other side of me is thinking i was so balcked out i dont remember even kissing him, he souldnt have taken advantage of the point that i was blacked out drunk and fuck me.  i really still cant come to terms with what has happened or what i dont remeber but know happened but writing it all down here has helped calm me down a little but if i could get advice on what to do and how to deal with this that would be really amazing.