I faced a very dark soul at work last night. I do not know fully why I choose to work where I do, I have been told by a few people that it is my way of taking control over that which I fear, sometimes I hope to remember or hear his voice at work, just to know he got caught, someone turned him in, I did not fourteens years ago. I am a corrections officer in a county jail with a population of 3,700 plus inmates. The inmate that started me into a landslide of regressions, the one who tried to escape and almost killed a close friend of mine by kicking and stabbing her, the one inmate in five years that I fear the most I faced him and stayed professional. My stomach turned. My hate boiled. My fear was feeding me. But I stood strong, it is my job. We were doing nightly cell inspections. I was assigned to remove the restraints of each super-max inmate. I try not to look at the names on the doors, that can get me and my coworkers hurt, we have what we call our game-face. But I saw his name knew who he was. I know he felt my fear. I had him in a normal policy wrist lock to remove his handcuffs, and he pulled away, jumped his cuffs (put them in front vs. behind). He charged at me. I stood my ground. I do not know if was because of the six officers required to open his door, or the five years of training and dealing with a** holes, or the fact I want to be confronted to be able to do it differently than I did fourteen years ago with him. As always we complained to the sergeant that the camera could have been turned off, if just for a few moments, just long enough for revenge. I am proud that I did not get that cheap-shot in, that I am a better person deep in my soul. I was actually glad, if only in a twisted way, that I was raped, that truly that which does not kill us makes us stronger, and I was given a new perspective of all life, and especially my own soul. I am a strong person. I survived one more time.