I am sorry you are going through this, the stuff that happened to me was less than a week ago. I totally understand wanting sex to be your choice... that's what I keep thinking, even though right now I am not ready. I hope things improve for you.

Hi, I'm sorry for what you're going through right now, I know it must be tough. My situation was different, because I lost my virginity to rape. However, I understand the wanting sex to feel like your choice, and all. A good thing that might help, esp since you trust your sex partner, is to talk to him about what you've been through and how you're feeling. Have him remind you that you have a choice and can say no any time you want. It's going to take time, but maybe talking to him and being open about where you are will help.

Thank you. I just don’t know how to tell him that I was rape.. I will try and talk to him about it but I’m so scary about what his reaction may be.
Yeah don’t know if i jump into things too quickly like maybe I should have a wait a bit longer

I always suggest writing a letter. That's how I told my mom. Also, I had a serious relationship some years ago, and one night, we talked about things I had went through. I couldn't verbally initiate the conversation, so I let him read my poetry that I had been writing. And there was another time, with a friend I liked, he guessed what happened by my reaction, but I couldn't say it, so I texted it to him........I did my last ex like that too. So those are some ways that might help in opening up the conversation.

And about jumping back in too quickly...........I can't say you did or didn't, however, what I can say is even if you had waited a while, the first time after may have still been difficult. I didn't have sex for over a year after, and my first time, even though I trusted the guy and he said all the right things and I felt good about it, afterwards, I went into shock. And for another year or two, anytime I would try to have sex, I'd end up crying afterwards. So I don't think it's a matter of time. I think it's something you'll have to work through regardless of how long you wait to jump back in....

So don't be so hard on yourself. Just look at it as you starting this part of your healing process a little earlier than some others.

Sex is such an intimate thing. Bodies becoming one is a beautiful thing but not when it is perverted or used to hurt. I was had similar experience when I was young and it took me years to work through it until I started to recognize the shame and hurt that was put on me. You don’t have to allow him to continue to hurt you. Find someone to talk to. Here is a good book if you are up for reading it, Mending the Soul by Steven Tracy. It was a book that helped me work through my own sexual abuse experience. There is freedom and wholeness. I am praying for you thank you for having the courage to post. -Rachel

Thank you. I’m having a really bad time at the minute with it... I will definitely look into reading the book. Maybe one day I will be able to talk to him about it but right now I can’t. Btw i am always here for you as well x