and anyway, what counts as teasing!!!!! I have been told that in the past that me smiling at a guy is teasing. Everybody have different things that turn them on, but if a person says they don't want to have sex, then that is it! Period. Exclamation point!

I am sorry for all the venting, but it really pisses me off when people points their finger saying you were teasing the guy. In my case, I was accused of lying about the rape by my friends. They didn't believe me because I didn't scream. And he had assaulted me before, and I still ended up at his house. And then When I went to college the first time, another guy was sexually harassing me, and I was told that (as if it was my fault) that I should where a different shirt. And I had one counseling session at my church, and he had the nerve to ask what I did? Was I teasing him?

I guess it angered me so much because she was similar to me in the fact that she was a virgin and was overpowered (not beat or threatened with a weapon).......and for him to imply that she was even a little at fault just really don't sit right with me.........

Once again, sorry about the venting and rudely putting that person's comment on blast.....

I agree with you completely. You are right. Men just choose not to listen to the no no thing when its to their advantage and if they get a girl someplace she is kind of helpless they take advantage.

I don't think this will ever change with men though. Do you?

I wish they would change, but unfortunately, I don't believe men will ever change at all. Yes, there may be some good men out there....somewhere......but a lot of them seem to be nothing but jerks, and it's so annoying.

no need for apologies! i completely agree. there are SO many people that try to "soften" the blow against the abuser! that is SO UPSETTING to me!!

i don't tolerate that type of behavior. pisses me off! so when i came across your post, it got me wondering who wrote it. but i really don't need to know that. i'm just pretty sure i haven't come across the post you're referring to here. oh man....

i used to refer to my own "experience" with being assaulted in the third person...as if i were talking about a close friend of mine...n the people i used to "confide" in with *her* situation would normally say the same things -- did she scream or yell? did she make is CLEAR that she didn't want to do it? maybe she led him on? etc.

n it upsets me. so...if you own a big expensive tv, the biggest most expensive one out on the market...it's IN your house, you lock the door....does that make it OKAY for someone to break in n TAKE it? if you go to work with a plate of steak n lobster...n someone comes in, looks in the work fridge, sees it...does that make it okay for them to take it?

so, so what if a woman goes out of her house wearing a v-neck shirt that hugs her figure n some tight jeans to go along with it...does that make it OKAY for men to "do" something about it??

as you said...NO! IT DOESN'T! but people just don't get it. i don't understand the world today...i really REALLY don't! even the "justice" system...they only back the perps! i filed a claim against my ex (who is my abuser), n he told the detective that "SHE WANTED IT"! n the detective called me up, told me this, n started giving me possibilities...that maybe that's how it went...n that i was bitter because he had cheated on me! really?? i would file a FALSE report because my ex CHEATED on me??

then, there's the fact that i don't have HARD evidence. they asked if i had a VIDEO recording of what happened. if i had RECORDED (audio) it. if i had kept his semen. like really?? did i go straight to the hospital after to do a r*pe kit. my ex admitted what he did to my SO, but of course, that won't stick because my SO could just be agreeing with me...then there's my mom...but they won't take her statement either. so my ex is free to go about his life, while i feel like i'm trapped...with the fear of running into him again...anyday now...

this world is messed up...n depressing...

yea i agree. they use a thing called projected image at times.
it means the image you projected at the time of an attack.
i got that with them over attacks, it was like, what were you doing before. actually the viollence escalated to me being attacked indoors
in retribution and there were other victims it was sort of a retribution
attack so i mean that was all me i suppose. obviously there was more
violence than a sex assault, but yes ok no means no. the worst i thought was when they hold you in full consent and you have to prove you didnt i was going you think id consent with himmmmm ?

i am a retired teacher in my fifties , used to be very loving kind trusting and saw good in people,,Also been through breast cancer but was a very successful teacher in the inner city, then the fateful day came, I was followed home by a young black male He broke into my house and raped me,, I will spare details but I am also gay, I called police , I was harrassed and stalked by the black neighbors called a racist you name it, most of the kids in the house by different fathers have done something to each neighbor stolen a bike etc , I was a good neighbor after this noone would come to my house if I walked my dog I was called a lezzie, OMG my self esteem of years went down the toilet , He came back had the nerve to come back and want drug money, He said he would tell everybody the lezzie asked for it, Is it because he is black no , Is it evil yes, I had to go on disabillty and all those students I could have taught and helped have lost one good teacher , The police officeer patronized me looked at my licence and said you look like a nice lady , Just move on!!!! So I know all about the evil world being judged I could not for 3 years sell my house but I did finally was too scared to put a sign in the yard because I was afraid I would wake up to burning crosses I am telling you I also saw a reverse side of racism I was best friends with my neighbor, and she is black and she sided with her friend who is related to the guy called me a racial profiler and lost a friend of years, I never ever looked at color, I loved all my students, this event altered my life not only was it a social death because of the fear of others of this bully it was they were so afraid for their own children the woman who was letting this horrible creature live with him and protecting him was running around the neighborhood knocking on doors telling people I was harrassing and being racial, OMG Hell that I went through I had to cry to God night after night to save me from the hate I felt , I finally sold the house the home I loved for 18 years if I would have been younger and could have fought back mentally I would have, ,,, even in rape there is also agism , it is somehow expected a pretty young girl get raped but not a gay mid ager with no breasts from breast cancer I am not making this up , I am depressed every day and used to be the most bright loving outgoing person I think of suicide all the time even with counseling I dont want to turn 58 this month, This young man stole my life , my God I will never ever stop testifying to my truth in hopes somebody listens , it is all I live for there is no moving on Too much damage, to all of us who have done this the best revenge is to keep speaking your truth write congress write a book but dont let them win, I dedicated my life to helping children now I cant help my own self , i try but each day is a battle the emotional scars dont go away, ,, so I pray alot I read the bible and I ask God why would he allow evil , why were men given an appendage they could use for hate , there really is no answer, , I say if you are younger find anythng that works but dont give in you are at least young enough to recreate your life,,,,, sadly warrior

Not all men are this way....have faith girls

I should add that unfortunitly if i had to guess about 90% of men are this way. I dont understand it myself....the way they talk when girls arent around...you would be shocked! The things married men say...women would prob fall over! Most of them just care about sex sex sex and dont care how they get it, who they get it from or if they are married etc ect. Sorry this may be off subject but i was just thinking out loud and passing on what i can

That comment got my blood boiling as well. Being a guy, I hear comments like this very often. I always leave the situation cause it makes me want to start throwing punches. Men think that they are entitled to sex whatever the scenario and it makes me sick. Men are always quick to judge the victim and give the perp a slap on the back. And unfortunately, the vast, vast majority of men are like this. It makes me sick and ashamed to be male.

Provided the perp is male...blaming the victim in any way is profoundly anti-male.

It's saying that men as a whole CANNOT control themselves.

I'm pretty sure the post was mine first of all sorry for the misunderstanding. My intention was not to blame a victum but to inform woman on the way most men think. I know its a touchy subject and I didn't mean to sound insensitive. What I ment was if you don't plan on going all the way with a guy then don't even attempt to go down that road ( I'm not talking about smiling or talking to a guy but forplay). Again I'm not trying to sound insensitive I was just being honest. I think rapist and pediphiles should do life in prison in gneral population so they could get a taste of their own medicine. I also strongly encourage woman to press charges when it happens.

Rocky r u actually serious??? Just because a women makes out with me....kisses me etc etc gives me NO RIGHT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER unless she says its ok. Women also are sometimes afraid to press charges due to most men being so violent about the rapes. Or they are to afraid to tell because of MEN LIKE YOU who say ignorant things like .. well maybe you shouldn't have kissed him! I don't think you really understand what it is like for women/men who have been raped.

Your right I don't know what its like to be raped. But I do know a thing or two about life, and its not fair. $*!t happens to good people all the time. I'm not saying its the victums fault at all. I believe the original post I responded to the woman said the pretty much went all the way then said no at the last second with a guy she really didn't know, since she did say no it techincally was rape, but even she said there were ways it could have been avoided. That's why I said if you don't plan on going all the way its best not to fool around at all.

Oh my...rocky, I don't mean to make you feel unwelcome...but if you don't know what it feels like to be r*ped... What are you doing here?

Survivors of r*pe go over their trauma SO MANY TIMES. N each time, we have found "something" we "shouldn't have done". But while it's happening, all those "should've"s just aren't there.

Have your breaks for your car ever stopped working while you're driving on the freeway going 65+mph? What did you do? Was the Road wet? Did the car start sliding n drifting?

Has your home ever been broken into by someone you had previously trusted? Did they take items you valued? Maybe you should never have let them in your house? Maybe you should never have showed them your things? Or maybe you should never have let them know where you lived? Or maybe you should have never befriended them in the first place?

...still think the same? I have another scenario in mind but it wouldn't be right to post here. Graphic n triggering.

I grew up abussed ( not sexually) and bullied a lot of my life because I never stood up for myself. Believe me I have replayed aso many memories in my head if I would have done somthing different. In my case what it all boils down to is I didn't stand up for myself. There many people in this world who are wolves in sheaps clothing.