Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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Pepper515 03/17/2013

My husband r*ped me May 16,2010. It was the day after my 21st birthday. I was drunk, he was sober. I said "no" several times and pushed him away.
I pushed the memory from my mind and "forgot" until September 2012. In December 2012 or January 2013 I asked him about it. He said, ' I don't see how it is entirely just my fault for r*ping you.'
Then a few weeks ago I brought it up again and he said, 'I am not going to jail, I am not the one who is at fault here.'
How am I suppose to take that? I don't know what to do. I can't deal with this. I just would like help.

valgal18 03/17/2013

i'm so sorry that that happened to you....first i don't think it's in your best interest to push it out of your mind....i know first hand that it damages your mental health.....i'm not sure if you want him to get arrested....i mean i would say go for it, if you have evidence, but i'm not sure if you HAVE that evidence......as for handling that comment you have a few choices....you first need to decide if you want tostay with him.....if he askowledges that what he did was wrong, but doesn't take the blame, that might not be the healthiest situation for you....you also need to know if you want to try therapy and talk to a therapist about it or a support group....personally i would probably do a pro and con list of divorcing him.....that's just my take on the situation though....hope this helped....if you wanna talk, i'm here

gnyla 03/19/2013

I agree with valgal18. Definitely don't push it out of your mind. My attack happened 3 and half years ago and for the first 2 and half I did so I could get throught trial.Now I'm paying for it. It all comes back 10 fold. As far as your husband goes, valgal18 has some great advice. If he's not willing to take the blame for it, it's not a healthy healing situation for you to be in. You need to be surrounded by those who support you 100%. Whatever you decide just be sure to take care of yourself and your mental wellbeing in whatever avenue works for you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

deleted_user 03/21/2013

hello pepper,
RAPE IS RAPE no matter whether to are drugged , drunk or sober. If you said no that is enough, even if you were to drunk to say no and you pushed him away then that is still rape .Just because he is you husband does not give him the right to rape you when ever he wants. if you don't trust him leave. I would go speak to someone with the police regarding the rape. .you do not have to do anything. But then it is on record that it happened incase this happens again. As for his part of it , he needs to own it and apologize. Not that it means anything. He violated you, that is wrong. I would seriously look at my relationship, maybe you need to separate for awhile just to have time to deal with it. Do you have a safe place you can go?That's my thoughts, I hope they help. you do not need evidence to have someone charged with rape or sexual assault..Has he told any one he did this? if so that's proof. Becareful okay. take care I am listening if you need to talk . I have been there and it continued for me, I did nothing and he went on to do it to three other women, then one went to the police. so decide if you want to stand up and say no or if you can walk away. isabee

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