Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I recently got in contact again via a dating website with a woman dated briefly 4 years ago and casually asked her if she was having any luck meeting guys. Her response, "No, and who would want me anyway?" I replied "I still think you're hot and feel free to make a booty call any time."
She took me up on it, sort of. She just showed up at my house and it came out in our conversation that she had been raped at a party. She was the designated driver for a group of girlfriends (she didn't know anyone there except the women she came with) and someone spiked her drink while she was in the bathroom. When she started getting sleepy very early in the evening she was directed to a bedroom.
When she woke up she knew she had been violated but didn't have any idea who or how many and she did nothing about it except go to a doctor for std tests.
I encouraged her to find a support group but she's adamant that she won't do that. I know that I need to just continue to offer positive support and be there for her but it's a little hard as she spends a lot of time in another state. Her son is in prison and her daughter is fighting cancer and she's managing to blame herself for both of those issues, too.
Any suggestions on how I can talk her into finding and participating in a support group will be greatly appreciated.
She took me up on it, sort of. She just showed up at my house and it came out in our conversation that she had been raped at a party. She was the designated driver for a group of girlfriends (she didn't know anyone there except the women she came with) and someone spiked her drink while she was in the bathroom. When she started getting sleepy very early in the evening she was directed to a bedroom.
When she woke up she knew she had been violated but didn't have any idea who or how many and she did nothing about it except go to a doctor for std tests.
I encouraged her to find a support group but she's adamant that she won't do that. I know that I need to just continue to offer positive support and be there for her but it's a little hard as she spends a lot of time in another state. Her son is in prison and her daughter is fighting cancer and she's managing to blame herself for both of those issues, too.
Any suggestions on how I can talk her into finding and participating in a support group will be greatly appreciated.
She could go to the rainn.org website anonymously, just like she can come here and read about other people's stories and their issues anonymously. At rainn.org there's a lot of good info about sexual assault, what its effects can be, local links to counseling, etc. Also, Matt Atkinson's website resurrectionafterrape.org is a great website. Anyone can read Matt's book there for free, and there's plenty of helpful info, like what not to say to a rape victim. She's the one who will have to decide for herself about what she wants to do after she looks at different options.
And if you could just act like a caring friend and relate to her human being to human being - not booty call to booty call, that might help a lot - often women who have been raped feel like their humanity has been violated because they were used as an object. Being respected by a friend can do a lot to help undo that feeling.
I wish you and her the best.
She needs to realise she needs assistance in dealing with her rape, and quite frankly even though support groups offer great...erm...support, they are nowhere near enough to help a rape victim/survivor deal with what happened to them.
OK, looking at it from a perspective.. she opened up to you about her rape. That in itself is a good sign. The fact that you believed her (as opposed to reactions were the survivor is disbelieved, blamed for what happened, ect.) is extremely good yet again. At this point in time maybe if you continue to be there for her, and maybe gently suggest now and then that it would be beneficial for her to see someone like a therapist with experience in dealing with effects of sexual violence?
A lot of her energy now must be going to the challenges her children are going through, and she may be able to function on a high level. I'm just always nervous of people who have been raped not looking for help, because rape is a very traumatic experience..one of those experiences that form who we are, and it needs to be dealt with in controlled setting, like, a good therapist's office.