Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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he was someone I knew

anewelly
anewelly
I let him crash at my place didn't think anything of it he never showed those kind of intentions. Then I woke up in the middle of the night with him on top of me having sex with me. I didn't say or do anything at that time and when he was done I just rolled over and pretended to go back to sleep hoping that nothing more would happen and in the morning he would leave and never come back. When I confronted him about what happened he responded with "you were asleep and I was in the mood, but don't worry I didn't really enjoy it". I feel dirty, used and ashamed. Why did I let something like this happen to me. I've cut all ties with this guy but I just can't get his words out of my head. I just can't forgive myself for letting this happen to me. While I wasn't hurt and it didn't turn violent somehow it makes it even worse to me. The fact that I was stupid and trusted him makes me feel even worse. Its been a long time since then and I have taken steps to keep it from happening again. I ended up gaining a LOT of weight and am now looking at having gastric bypass surgery and have started working on past hurts and this pops up. Now I can't get it off my mind and what used to be a great relationship with my husband is now strained and I don't know how to tell him what happened years before we even met. I have never told anyone about it its been my dirty little secret. How do I cope and how can I justly call it a rape
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, you can justly call it rape. He took advantage of you while you were unable to consent to sex. I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I "let" my friend rape me because I didn't fight back or scream, but that's just how we dealt with the shock of the situation. But you didn't "let" anything happen to you. He was wrong. He had no right to do that to you and it's not your fault that he's a manipulative pig. You can cope by accepting what happened to you. It's really rough, believe me, but everyone in this group as gone though it and you will make it through.

Secondly, it might be a good idea to tell your husband. There's nothing that you have to do if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but he loves you and he wants to see you happy and he probably wants to know where the change has come from that he's seen in you lately. Let him support you through this.

Next, maybe you should see a counselor or therapist. It might not be feasible or you may have to pay for it, but it's so worth it.

Just remember that it was not your fault and you did nothing to make this happen to you. And we're all here for you too :)
anewelly
anewelly
Thank you so much navila for you wonderful words. I did finally tell my husband that when he comes back in (he's a long haul truck driver) that we need to talk about something from my past. I have been seeing a counselor for depression and opened up about it in my session today. It feels somehow relieving to just tell someone and not hold it in any longer. I don't know how to explain it.
valgal18
valgal18
i'm so sorry that that happened to you....it WAS rape because you were unable to consent to sex...i was raped by someone i knew, too.....and it really hurts and that's one of the worst parts of it....just because your rape wasn't violent doesn't make it any less of an issue....i leanred this after my second rape....i think it's a really good idea to tel lyour husband and i think if you also include what he can do to help you on bad days could be a subject too....i'm here if you wanan talk