I was in a horrible friends with benefits relationship for a year. It's been 4 years since I got away from him. Someone brought him up to me the other day and said they saw him recently and it triggered all of the bad memories.

He was emotionally, financially and now I realize sexually abusive. There were times where I did consent to what we were doing. There were also times where I would tell him to stop because he was hurting me and he would keep going. He would want to do anal and I would say no because it was painful for me and he would just do it anyway.

At the time I didn't think that it was rape. I wasn't educated in all of the facets of consent at the time. I started speaking with a Counselor who confirmed that I was in fact raped, multiple times. I needed to hear that because i was feeling like I made all of it up in my head. 

Now my emotions are all over the place. I feel ashamed, angry, devasated and confused. But I feel like I'm not reacting the way I should to the trauma. My counselor said that since my rape was so long ago that I may have already compartmentalized all of the emotions. Also since I've just come to terms with everything that it may not have hit me yet that I was raped.