It is so hard to belive its not your fault! Once again I know how you feel.

Yes we can put ourselves in bad situations, but that doesn't make someone TAKING our choice away a bad choice on our part but theirs.

If I drank at a party and were raped, would that mean that all alcohol is a bad choice? If I chose to work late and was raped in the parking lot, does that make all overtime a poor choice? If I chose to go on a date with a friend of a friend and join them at their place, is it considered a bad choice because he rapes me?

I'm not trying to be mean but to provide some perspective. I've often battled where you're coming from. I've even heard these examples from others, but ultimately, the rapist decided to take our choice away.

I've also struggled with feeling the same way you do. It is hard to believe that it's not your fault.

But, AprilRaven is right - the abuser chose to take OUR choice away. No matter what you did leading up to it, or after it, you did not deserve to be raped. That was wrong on the part of your abuser.

Please know that this is in no way your fault. Keeping telling yourself that, even though it is tough to believe.

Thanks. Aprilraven you are not being mean at all. I know what you say is true in my heart, but my mind has different ideas.

I know. Mine used to do the same thing and every once in awhile it still likes to attempt to, but I correct it and it works now.

Ditto on everyone. Another example that is not emotionally loaded like rape, say you leave your keys in your car and it gets stolen. Leaving your keys in the car doesn't mean that you were looking to get your car stolen or that you deserve to have your car stolen or that the person who stole it is not a criminal. In addition, people who are raped are often just out doing thingseven "risky things" that people do all the time many times without it resulting in rape. Yes, we have to protect ourselves but often you just don't know that this date or that particular thing is going to result in rape until it does. A victim that puts herself in bad situations multiple times and gets raped many times may have a belief from the first rape that this is what they deserve (self punishment/abuse) or a subconscious attempt at rewriting history- being able to fight back or trying to convince self that this is how it is etc. I also believe that there is something about having been raped that rapists can identify at some level and you end up with all of these sickos suddenly coming for you. Often you see victims who end up being abuse by different people during their lives.

I have struggled with this very thing since 99, thanks everyone!! I needed to hear that! Sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself of that, so it's nice to hear someone else say it!!

One thing I wanted to add about what I was saying that I don't think I said very clearly now...

The situations we've put ourselves in may have seemed perfectly normal and okay and they possibly were. Some in hindsight may not have been great ideas. But, the situation isn't to blame nor are we. That's solely on the person removing choice from us.