My rapist was married at the time, and had a lot of people on his side as he was a pastor, so yes, I was blamed on several occasions. I was thirteen years old, and he lured me into his house (we were neighbors) and raped me at gunpoint in his bathroom. Even though he left evidence absolutely everywhere and I called the police as soon as I got home, his wife and many of his church members called me a liar and a seductress. His wife denied the possibility of him raping me even long after he went to jail. While other members of the church and the community blamed me for seducing the man, his wife flat-out said that nothing happened, despite the bathroom being covered in my blood, etc. But she still verbally abused me leading up to the court date.

It's so hard. When you go through something like rape, the last thing you need is for people to vilify you. For me, it was completely unexpected. You just have to keep reminding yourself that it's not your fault, no matter what other might say. They are ignorant and don't understand the pain of what we've gone through.

I hope this helps.

people who don't believe me blame me for what happened...and i blame myself for it happening....we need to know and realize and accept that it is not our fault.....they chose to act and they chose to do these terrible things to us

Yes, I was blamed for what happened. First by family members after I told them what happened. Then by friends of my brothers, who told them I shouldn't have been out walking late (bad decision-making, maybe,....).

Then there was the guy I was with at the time. He believed me at first. He even took me to work and picked me up after (I had no car yet). But he also had been pushing me to sleep with him. He later decided to end the relationship. He accused me of enjoying the rape because I didn't get a good look at my attacker, of preferring to sleep with a stranger than with him. When the ex-boyfriend left, I felt as though I had lost nothing.

But now, I'm having to remind myself that it wasn't my fault and that the ex-boyfriend was wrong.

I was never blamed!! My family supported me very much. My husband couldn't look me in the eye for quite some time. But eventually he said he felt sad, angry and guilty. My rapist was never prosecuted.

hi were you blamed? The blame lies with the abuser never the survivor I dont care if people run down the street naked there is no reason for any one to blame the survivor . Here if you want tto talk .

#5;
Being male, either I'm not believed, or I'm made the predator.
By far the most damaging trauma has come from so called therapist.
I was sent to a rape crisis center after it was disclosed I had been sexually assaulted at 17 and molested when I was young.
The woman there told me one day in a closed office session with her that I fit the profile of a rapist. Being a victim herself, she is very sick. She called my church, and has tracked me for over 13 years. I have even been confronted here on this forum by her in years past.
I'm praying the failing economy causes them to loose their public funding and they finally collapse. Maybe then me, as well as other men, will be able to find someone who is willing to listen to me instead of what was written about me at the all woman rape crisis center.

I have insurance, and I'm completely open to any and all suggestions for locating therapy, even though I know there are no services available for an older male like for women.
Thank you very much for responding.
Tom S. in Tn.

Gidzmo, I saw your request and responded with one. I have several friends on DS, but their profiles are not private.

Being male I do not use private messaging due to safety reasons.
Tom S.

That's quite all right, Tom, I understand. Sorry you've had to go through all the problems. {{sending a chocolate}}

Yes I was blamed for my rape. I might have to come back and reply again later explaining a little more.

After my second time through.. my sister said I should have known better then to put myself in the situation I did. I think thats the most condemnation I've gotten from others... blaming yourself/guilt is just as bad, or worse..

yes, my mom told me it was my fault that i was raped. and my gynecologist even told me it was my fault, how messed up is that?

And just to show that it's not only family who can be insensitive...

http://www.care2.com/causes/womens-rights/blog/police-officer-advises-women-to-avoid-sexual-assault-by-not-dressing-like-a-slut/

#12;
If a male dialed 911 stating he had been raped, he would hear laughter right before the dial tone.

I'll ask again, has anyone here ever had one of these so called specialist crisis counselors ever call them a rapist and a predator ??


In situations like this, I have to remind myself, life is not all about me.
Tom S. in Tn.

I was told by my therapist that maybe I really did want to have sex w/ my rapist. Needless to say I didn't go back. I've had several people say it too. Sorry it happen to you

Hi ,I am so sorry that you have been treated like this, it is much a right for males to be treated with respect as it is for females how dare any one judge you . This is a trauma that happened to you and you deserve to be belieieved as this is a fudemental of the healing process. how are you feeling now ?