Hi, I’m new here, but I’ve been reading through all of the stories and experience and advice, and I felt like I could um share my own story. 

It was on October 23rd of last year, I was 16. I met this man on Tinder. I know I shouldn’t have been on Tinder but I was, it was a nice way to meet new people and I felt really lonely after my boyfriend left me. He asked me to meet with him, and I tried to give him excuses why I couldn’t but he just got irritated with me and told me to hurry because if I took too long he’d be late for lacrosse practice. He had been really angry at me last time I said I couldn’t meet him, he called me bad names and said that I got him excited then bailed on him and that it was my fault he was horny with no outlet. I felt really bad about that, so I didn’t want to disappoint him again. So I met with him, he picked me up in his car. He seemed nice enough, smiling and telling me about his time in Italy. He drove into a quiet neighborhood and pulled over to the side. 

He leaned in to kiss me and I tensed up. He kind of noticed I was uncomfortable after a little bit of his making out with me and gripping my thighs, so he suggested we move to the back seat. I just did everything he told me to do. I always feel bad that I didn’t say no or tell him I wanted to go home. Anyway, after a while of making out with me, he asked me to take off my clothes, so I did so. He took off my glasses and put them in the next seat. 

I don’t really remember the order of what happened when he um had sex with me. It didn’t take long. He positioned me several different times, but I was always facing away from him so when he wasn’t looking I cried a little, he never noticed. I know he put a condom on, because I asked him to even though he didn’t want to, but I don’t remember seeing it again. When it was over, he got in the front seat while I looked for and put my clothes back on. I got in the front seat and he drove me to a restaurant near where he picked me up, I went inside to throw up and then walked home when I was finished. 

I texted my friend, and she told me that I could go over to her place later and we could smoke and talk. She said I could spend the night so I wouldn’t have to sleep alone after what happened. So, I took a shower and went over to her house. While she finished doing her studying, she let me talk and cry. She kept packing me bowls (which for those of you who don’t know, refers to the smoking of marijuana) and I kept smoking. I remember having a hard time walking downstairs to the guest bedroom, but nothing after that.  The only other thing I remember from that night is a flash of my friend and I in our underwear making out in the guest bed, and she was on top of me. The next morning she said that we just made out a little then went to sleep, but I don’t remember. 

It’s been several months, and it’s been really hard. I dropped out of school and spent months just sitting in my room smoking and watching svu. Recently, I enrolled for classes again and got a job and haven’t been thinking about it as much. 

But then it started to get really bad again last week, and all of the doubt I had about that day has come flooding back. I’m just not sure if the guy or my friend really did anything wrong anymore, or if it’s on me for not getting out of those situations. Plus, there’s added complication because while the man was having sex with me, even though I was tearing up, I finished even though I hadn’t been able to do that with my boyfriend even when I was trying to. I feel like what happened to me is so insignificant compared to stories of other people who have been so strong in the face of so much worse. I’m not sure who to talk to or what to do. 

Thank you for listening though :)