I'll never want to be a member of a club that will have me ....and will never be accepted as a member of a club I want to join!!!

For me, getting to know someone as a friend first before dating has always worked well. My poor husband spent three months as a friend before I finally agreed that we were dating (he decided he wanted to marry me about 3 days after knowing me!).

I think the dating insecurities (does he like me? does he not? am I good enough? is he not?) are a lot easier to deal with when you already know this is a guy you can really talk to and who really wants to listen and be there for you.

The corollary for me is going slow on the sex side of things. When I was dating I liked to know that the guy really cared about me before I opened up that side of myself. I found that there are guys out there that will value me for me and not just for how I "put out".

Best, beth

thanks for both your comments! Its nice to know I'm not alone. I think a lot of this stuff is trying to figure out what I want. I think I can be so busy trying to second guess the other persons motivations that I no idea what I actually want!

I think I'm in pretty much the same place Mayday .......................... and it doesn't help that I absolutely hate the idea of being that needy girlfriend with issues, even if I know realistically that everyone's got something from their past!

I'm also extremely evil-minded about most of the things men say to try and impress me these days - I just remember how smooth my ex used to be about saying all the "right" things and assume that everyone else is going to be a liar as well.
So I suppose dating just isn't going to happen for me until I get better at keeping the sarcasm to myself; and I must remember to look more gullible lol!

sarcasm isn't a good thing? Damn I'm in more trouble than I thought!

It sounds strange but I'm actually going to have to agree with the person who said that being gullible helps. As survivors of sexual trauma, it is hard for us to trust anything that anyone says to us...especially if it something flattering. I'm always wondering what somebody wants from me whenever I recieve a compliment. Any guy who is interested in me I assume just wants to get me into bed. Even though this is usually true, I can't really enjoy dating if I deep thinking like this. I can't get to know someone if I've already made up my mind that they're up to know good. So, here's the hard part. I have to trust that the person who is showing interest in me only has the best of intentions, until...lol I mean unless they prove me wrong.

I also place a large amount of importance on waiting to see if the preson I'm with is the one I can trust with my heart, let alone my body. I will date a guy for up to three months before I start seriously thinking about getting physical. Since I have a sexual addiction it is very important that I can trust the person I'm with, as I tend to get carried away. I digress.

I just stress two things. First is trust. Trust someone else enough to at least get to know them, and trust yourself enough to be a good judge of character. Second is patience. No matter how good someone or a situation looks, time reveals all.

I hope some of that helped. :)

im ready to start dating, im just not ready to start daying some jerks.
if im out and about ill only give a guy the time of day bc he's cute. but only my number. if they try to "see me later" its no.
its hard getting out there to start dating. id rather guys just come to me lol.