I don't understand... why can't I talk about my rapes and be completely honest about them? whenever I start to describe things that have happened to me, I change things. I will combine different times I were raped and put it all together into one because then it somehow changes the truth. I have told someone the truth about one of my rapes, not changing any details, and it was really hard. After that I experienced my first flashback and I couldn't get the assualt out of my head for days. After that is when I started to change details in my story when I talked about it. Now, the people who I love the most hate me for "lying". They have completely shut me out of their lives and are punishing me for it by keeping me away from them. They were my family, not by blood, but a group of people who I loved more than blood. I know what I did was wrong and I tried so hard to stop so many times, but I just couldn't. I had to change details about my rapes when I talked about them.. things like the color of my clothes, the location, the time of day, etc. I'm trying so hard to explain the way I felt to the people who shut me out because of this, but they won't hear it. They keep saying I am just trying to get people to feel sorry for me.. but I'm not. They say that I am the only one who did something wrong, and I shouldn't be mad at them for not wanting me around anymore. My therapist says that I only changed details to protect myself, because I couldn't handle the truth at the time.I never meant to hurt anyone and I feel like such a terrible person now. Am I wrong? Am I a bad person, like these people are making me feel? Is there any way that I can possibly explain how I felt to people who don't understand anything about victims of abuse? I just feel so terrible :(