Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Quick background: My husband r*ped me when I was 21, I'm 23 now, I remembered in Sept. 2012 what he did to me in May 2010. He has been deployed since June 2012.
He comes home next week. I'm a mixture of emotions about that. During this deployment he has said things like:
+ 'I don't see how it is entirely just my fault for r*ping you,' he said.
+ 'You better not tell anyone,' he said.
+ 'If you ever took this to court I would make sure you don't get our daughter, I will make sure they know you are the bad guy,' he said.
+ 'When I get home I am not going to accept 'no' as an answer. I want to have lots of sex and you can't say no,' he said.
He also has said he is more aggressive. What on earth am I going to do? I love him and I would love to give him the benefit of doubt. I know I must sound pathetic. I'm scared for one. Did he really say that he will make me have sex with him? He told me the aggressive part and not accepting no thing on Monday. I want him home but at the same time I am scared.
He comes home next week. I'm a mixture of emotions about that. During this deployment he has said things like:
+ 'I don't see how it is entirely just my fault for r*ping you,' he said.
+ 'You better not tell anyone,' he said.
+ 'If you ever took this to court I would make sure you don't get our daughter, I will make sure they know you are the bad guy,' he said.
+ 'When I get home I am not going to accept 'no' as an answer. I want to have lots of sex and you can't say no,' he said.
He also has said he is more aggressive. What on earth am I going to do? I love him and I would love to give him the benefit of doubt. I know I must sound pathetic. I'm scared for one. Did he really say that he will make me have sex with him? He told me the aggressive part and not accepting no thing on Monday. I want him home but at the same time I am scared.
Ho did he say these things to you? Verbally or in text / email / writing? Can you get him to say them in a permanent form?
It sounds to me like you're in real risk. You don't deserve this. No one does. Rape is rape. Please get professional help and support now. Even if you go and see a solicitor, you're not forced to act on the advice you're given. You just put yourself in a position where you can make choices based on facts not threats.
I'm sure everyone else will say the same things, but you are welcome here. You've taken an important step posting here and we are with you.
Good luck.
While he's still away you can use the time to talk to someone about your concerns without him finding out. You can go to a women's refuge centre, you can go to the police, or if you don't feel comfortable you could just talk to a trusted friend. If you have records/proof of his threats, take them along - it may help to have some evidence of what he's done (especially if you choose to visit the police).
I know that you love your husband, and it's going to be very difficult dealing with this. I've been in a similar situation myself, where an ex-boyfriend of mine raped me and I completely suppressed it because I couldn't deal with the idea of a man I loved raping me. But the one thing that you must accept is that you can't change his behaviour; the only one who can do this is him. Right now, you have to think of what is best for your daughter. It might hurt to leave him, but if you choose to stay with your husband you might be putting both you and your daughter at risk.
Whatever decision you make, take care.
it sounds like your husband will be home soon , I would go talk to a womens support group, , be honest tell them about the rape and how he has threatened you as of lately. If you can get him to email you , then email him tell him you think maybe you guys should separate when he comes back until the both of you can get counselling. If he truly loves you and your dtr, he will do this to save your marriage. Put you must remember once a man has raped his wife once , he things it is his property to do it again , when ever he wants. I have been there done that for years and bad the price. I am sorry I ever stayed. Please get a safe place for your self. Maybe consider moving into a womens shelter or safe house, they will keep you safe .You have to think of your dtr. Who will take care of her if anything were to happen to you. Please be careful. We are all here for you Isabee