I have not been able to forgive my rapist. I don't know that I will ever reach that point and I don't feel that I have to. Although, I do feel that dwelling on angry feelings all the time is not necessarily the most healthy way to cope. I have just been continuing to live my life and refusing to allow his actions to interfere with my life. I feel like that's how I benefit from the situation...by not letting him ruin my life.

I have recently had this dilemma myself. But i now think that whats the point in forgiving someone that has ruined part of your life and the way that you are. I have anger for him and that will always be there. Forgivness will not help, it will just be sayin that what he did was right, and it wasnt in anyway. I hope this helps and good luck in the future.

i will NEVER forgive my rapists.....they took a piece of my life from me and i will NEVER forgive them for doing that.....i think the deepest circle of hell is reserved for rapists.....my first rapist was catholic, like i was, so i'm sure he thought i was going to frogve him....now i'm agnostic and i will never firgive him......personally, i don't think it'll make you feel better....i feel like if i forgave my rapists i would reward what they did to me....and that's not the message i wanna send....

Forgiveness is hard.....I had a lot of self blame issues and learned to forgive myself for what happened....because I airways felt I should have tried harder fight harder etc...but counseling helped me deal with that and figure out the emotions in my head

I forgave him. It took a while for me to truly forgive him though. I don't believe forgiveness is for him though. The fact of the matter is, unfortunately, that he is evil and probably doesn't care either way. His life will keep moving, but by holding that grudge, I was the one I was binding up, not him. I'm the one that got stuck in time, stuck in anger and hatred....it didn't hurt him at all. To truly forgive isn't to forget. I used to think this. To truly forgive, is to let the matter go and move on. I believe you will need to forgive him. You may never forget, but I hope you can one day move on and let it go.
It's not fair. He hurts you, and although hhe don't deserve it, you have to forgive him.....because until you do, you keep hurting you with your anger, memories, hatred, fear, etc.

I hope this helps, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

Please dont take too much time coming back to the computer, I get lonely! Thanks

Forgiveness is something that occurs in your own head by your own power that is a complete self-mind-fuck because you are tired of dealing with reality. I am quite in cahoots with reality. I'll be damned to hell before I forgive any of them. It doesn't hurt them that I haven't, but it wouldn't help them or me if I did. I would only fool myself into thinking everything was OK. Ladeefuckinda.

I don't believe in the kind of forgiveness that let's them off the hook for their actions. However, I do believe in the kind that allows me to let go of the hatred that eats me up inside.

I havent read all of the responses - so this might be similar to someone elses. For me, it would be rapists - and I dont know that I have so much forgiven them as I havent allowed the events to affect my daily life like they used to. Maybe thats the same thing? I am not saying I dont have difficult times still - anniversaries in particular. But it simply doesnt take up the time and space that it used to in my mind. If that is forgiveness, then I have forgiven them. I dont know what I would label it.

I have been molested, gang raped, and raped by an exboyfriend - none of these were easy to get over - and I am not sure I have gotten "over" them but more found a way to compartmentalize them and not allow them to pour over into every aspect of my life. My most recent rape was on my birthday - this year it will be 11 years. I have done extensive therapy, including EMDR therapy, journaled, and gotten online support. Its been a long road. But it is possible to heal.
Best of luck to each of you. xoxo

I will never forgive my rapist. He is still a cruel evil man, I know because I've seen it. But I can accept that I was raped by working with the volunteer groups that I do and praying that I'm preventing someone else's rape

Forgiveness comes from the heart. It is something that you have to live with, and it is a way for some people to not feel the pain anymore. I personally will NEVER be able to forgive the guy who did this to me. Eleven years later and I still can't bring myself to do it. I just don't think that I will ever be able to. I am forever going to hold him responsible for his actions. I just don't believe people who do this type of action should be forgiven.

As I believe someone else noted forgiveness is more about YOU being able to let it go and move on. Its not as if the person you are forgiving even has to know that they are forgiven, but its about taking your life back and there is something very powerful about being able to forgive a horrible act from a horrible person and rising above it without them even knowing. Its great for the self esteem, and its very difficult to move forward in life without forgiveness. (Keep in mind this post is coming from a person who never wanted to forgive and daydreamed many times about the perfect revenge, but as they say "Living a great life is the perfect revenge")

i believe forgivness is for certain people in certain situations. i forgave mine because he is my sons father (no he isn't involved with his son we both agreed it was for the best to go our separate ways) and he was very involved in drugs he can't even recall what had happened and knowing hes a different person when hes sober makes sense for me to forgive him.