Oh R6Leslie - what can I say? Just want to give you a big hug - or take you down the pub with me. It's rubbish this thing we're going through isn't it? I can hear the despair in your post, but can I also hear some anger? That's good --- the anger will keep you going. You mention you have some good days - you wll get more - just hang on in there.

Do you have any girlfrends who can take you out for lunch or for a coffee? I'm not trying to be patronising,but you have four boys and a husband - and I am wondering if a little girl time might pick you up.? Just a thought.

We had our PEs at about the same time. I started back to work abou a week ago, but after going to my doctor for a return to work letter ended back in hospital for three days. I'm back on daily blood tests, plus the horribleclexane injections - and am so tired haven't been to work yet this week. It feels like one step forward three steps backwards. But I will get better, and won't be beaten --- and you know what, you will too. I know it.

On a lighter note,The little girl next door who often plays outside my house told me that when she's feeling cross, she blows a big raspberry, and maybe I shuld try it. You know what Idid try it - in the privacy of my bedroom --- and you know what I did feel a bit better...

Take care and you are in my thoughts

I'm so sorry! I know exactly how you feel. For me some days are better than others. It has been almost 6 weeks for me. Very frustrating to be told get back to your normal routine, but when I do I end up in bed or on the couch for hours.

I go back to work next Thursday, but like most it is not because I feel I can but because I can't live on the Short Term disability checks.

I am also the mother of an adult son, and thank God he lives with me, but it has been very hard for him to see his Mom so helpless and frustrated - to him I am the tower of strength - well most days I feel like a noodle :)

Seriously, if you can focus on getting through each day even each hour, and focus on hope, stay hopeful.

You are not selfish nor have you lost your mind. You are living with a life threatening medical condition, taking medication that causes terrible side effects and you have a family to be strong and positive for.

YOU HAVE A FULL BUFFET (forget the plate).

It's OK. Tomorrow will be a brighter better day.

Oh, I know how you feel. I am a year out and I remember those first few months with dread. It seemed to me at about 5 months out my good days outnumbered the bad. But, it definetely is 2 steps forward and 1 back. One suggestion is to not overdo it on the days you feel good even if you have the energy or you'll have 3 bad ones. Just know that you are feeling the same way most of us have and you aren't crazy. Just dealing with a lot of crap right now, it will get better.

Yes, we all feel that way I think. I sure as hell do. I just end up going into my room and bawling into a pillow , or taking a hot bath and bawling there. Strangely enough, I feel a bit better after a good cry. We have to remember we did not ask for this terrible thing. ANd "inch by inch, life's a cinch, yard by yard , life is hard". We have been put through the ringer physically, emotionally, spirtitually, and we just have to be kind to ourselves and believe that in time, we will heal . It is just a bitch waiting it out, I know!! It does help to know we are not crazy and in this together! thinking of you, alex

Hi R6leslie. I know how you feel, and the only thing I can say is that you have to let your body lead the way on this one. If you don't, it will rebel with pain or some other new symptom just to spite you. I am about 2 years out and just starting to feel better over the last 2 months. I was jusr thinking that I should write a book about this journey. I would call it "Does Anyone Know the Way Back From Hell?'
You are only at 2 months-give yourself some time-I have learned a lot of patience on this trip that I know will never be over. I pray you find some little thing each day that makes you smile or feel a little better. Blessings, Teri

R6Leslie, I know how you feel!! I have days where I feel okay and then boom, the pains hit me, the fatigue and them my mind starts to race to thoughts that scare the heck out of me. I'm tired of tests, my insurance company is going to get me, and I'm sick of taking medicine. But I realize that even though my bad days may out-weigh my good days, I won't complain because I still have DAYS. Days to spend with my family and days to make tomorrow better than today. Don't get me wrong, I am still very concerned about my condition and I keep a close watch on my progress or otherwise (my doctor will tell you, everyone knows me in the office), but I want to try to stay as positive as possible.

I'm sorry that you are not having the best of days, venting is great, just by releasing steam you're lifting the weight of stress from your body (which isn't good for folks like us). I hope that your good days start to pick up and you feel better!!!

Take care, take it slow, and think positive thoughts.

r6leslie, (((((((HUGS)))))) Girlfriend, as a very good friend of mine just told me today.... we will get through this together.
Ferr

Thank you alll......I feel sooo better just reading your words of encouragement....where would I we without you guys?? Thank you again, hugs to you all, I hope that we all continue to help each other...that is good!! Hope heals and gets me through this.....thanks
RL