Pulmonary Embolism Support Group
By far the most common form of pulmonary embolism is a thromboembolism, which occurs when a blood clot, generally a venous thrombus, becomes dislodged from its site of formation and embolizes to the arterial blood supply of one of the lungs. Symptoms may include difficulty breathing, pain during breathing, and more rarely circulatory instability and death.
My mother in law passed away last week. My husband has shut down in much the same way as when I had PEs.
I am not coping very well. This is his family and although I helped her through her illness I am not really part of the process now. I am still there every day but I have now started to shut down myself. Probably because I feel very much an inlaw. I am trying not to feel this way and understand it really is not about me at all.
I am having a lot of trouble sleeping. It's 3 am where I am.
I have been struggling physically since for years and am not able to cope with the extra work load in our business. I am feeling very worthless and a huge burden. I do not have anyone to talk to this.
I have trouble saying no to people and difficulty standing up for myself. My husband tells me to say what I think but doesn't understand that with his family if I say what I think or stand up for myself it ends up with his siblings getting offended and not talking to me.
They do not have the same concerns for me , in the last few days I ave been told that I am not pretty anymore, mont be told about getting family photos for the service and been spoken about like I am not even there.
Sorry for the rant....I am a little over it today....
I am not coping very well. This is his family and although I helped her through her illness I am not really part of the process now. I am still there every day but I have now started to shut down myself. Probably because I feel very much an inlaw. I am trying not to feel this way and understand it really is not about me at all.
I am having a lot of trouble sleeping. It's 3 am where I am.
I have been struggling physically since for years and am not able to cope with the extra work load in our business. I am feeling very worthless and a huge burden. I do not have anyone to talk to this.
I have trouble saying no to people and difficulty standing up for myself. My husband tells me to say what I think but doesn't understand that with his family if I say what I think or stand up for myself it ends up with his siblings getting offended and not talking to me.
They do not have the same concerns for me , in the last few days I ave been told that I am not pretty anymore, mont be told about getting family photos for the service and been spoken about like I am not even there.
Sorry for the rant....I am a little over it today....
...and I don't just mean the loss of your MIL. It sounds like you're feeling the loss of many things right now. Loss of your husband as he shuts down, loss of sleep, loss of feeling like a family member (instead of an in-law), loss of a lot of things.
The most important thing right now is to be sure that you're taking care of yourself in the midst of everything else. If you feel like you're shutting down, give yourself a chance to wake up in little ways. Do something that stimulates you, like walking in cold air, taking a nice bath, eating something decadent.
Also, I know it is hard, but do try to cut people some slack. When people are grieving, sometimes they're less polite than usual. Stuff comes out of their mouths that they wouldn't have said at any other time. Chalk up the rudeness to grief and try to let it go. (I know this is easier said than done; I'm terrible at forgiving!)
And, keep an eye on yourself. You sound like you're being hit with some serious depression at this point. If it doesn't start to lift in a few weeks, you should think about getting some extra support in terms of maybe a therapist, or at least marshaling your friends and family to help you work through this hard time. Maybe consider journaling also, to try to get your thoughts out. (Sometimes, if I write it, I don't have to say it.)
Also, you might consider stopping my the bereavement and/or depression groups here on DS. They might have some other good words for you.
You'll be better able to help everyone else, if you're in a good place yourself, so definitely try to care for yourself. Hang in there! I'm pulling for you.
I am definitely sleep deprived so hopefully after the funeral I can catch up on some sleep. The family are not very tactful at the best of times I am just usually better at ignoring it.
It's been a hard week and I was focused on helping everyone else and then forgot myself.
It's not easy, but it sounds like you're doing all you can to take the high road. When the loss of your MIL is not as fresh, and when you're feeling a bit more stable, I think you'll be glad you made that choice. But I do agree with Toss about making sure you're taking care of YOU. I like the ideas of visiting a bereavement or depression board here, and the possibility of seeing a therapist. If you attend a church, they may have a pastoral care group that can help you with meals or other support during difficult times (mine prepared two weeks of meals for me during my broken ankle/DVT/PE disaster.) You mentioned getting a comment about not being "pretty anymore" (ouch!). Maybe indulge in a new haircut, hair color, cologne, facial, outfit, personal trainer - whatever it takes to know in your heart that the haters are dead wrong. I wish you well over the months to come.
Just know that you have value and worth. And quite the giving heart, especially for being a care taker of your MIL. Grief can cause people lash out at others with qualities they wished they had. Please don't let their anger make you feel small. You are a survivor. A beautiful survivor. Always remember that.