For what it is worth, there are many athletic people who end up going through the DVT / PE gauntlet. I found several threads on the subject in Runner's World Online long before I found DS, and it was those threads on RWO that cast the first light of sense on this whole thing.

Locally to here, NATT supporter and the original clotbuster Roland Varga runs intermittent monthly features of athletes who have come back from their ordeals http://clot-buster-triathlete.blogspot.com/2010/03/march-athlete-of-month.html .

I can certainly identify with the feeling that it is better to live a short but intense life rather than drag out the duration of mere survival for a longer one. Still, with carrying on one day at a time through the bouts of news good and bad, it may not have to be a choice of one life or the other.

No one here is ever going to talk anyone out of depression - that's nuts, This is a tough place to be whether you are a world class athlete or a behind the desk jockey. When you get SO focused on YOUR view of the world that you can see NO pathway back to where you were before PE/DVT and demand an instant resolution that's nuts too! Recovery from DVT/PE is a marathon not a sprint,

I did "A" therefore "B" will follow doesn't apply here. I think a better approach to this illness is to think about your recovery more like if I do "A", then my odds of "B" are increased by X%. Not very cheery, but a reality that each of us have to come to terms with here. Slow and steady wins the race... -P

Thanks for the link More2. Very comforting knowing I'm not the only one going through this.

petvs, So depression results from inability to control the situation. Lose the ego and lose the depression, eh? Nice thought, well stated.

Thanks for all the input. This site is a great resource.
Ken

Ok, I haven't been on DS for awhile but looks as if I need to inject a little Ferr humor here. You all are getting way to serious for this whole issue. I too am a lifer as many of you know and have survived 4 unexplained PE episodes, I am always in complete denial and refuse to let having to be on Coumadin, Lovenox or anything else run my life. So Instead I went out and bought myself one of those inflatable sumo wrestler suits for the ultimate in protection. OK not really. I am not a bi-athlete, triathlete, or actually any kind of athlete at all. However that doesn't mean I am not active and it certainly doesn't mean that I don't do things that are way over the edge as far as safe activities are concerned. As a matter of fact many people who are athletes can't keep up with me when I am doing what is my true passion and that is being in the out of doors risking my life for others. Many of you know that my paid profession is nursing but I also do volunteer work as a first responder, search and rescue dog handler,wild-land forest fire fighter, and I am a certified Hazmat Technician. I also ride horses, hunt, fish and ride my ATV. I live in Idaho where the terrain is either straight up or straight down very little flat ground in the mountains of Idaho. Sometimes I find myself out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night with nothing but my flashlight and my dog to guide me looking for that lost person, or responding to that accident on an ATV, horse, or plane wreck. Let me tell you that is difficult sometimes because I am terrified of the dark and usually get lost in the Wal-mart parking lot. I often times am repelling out of a perfectly good helicopter trying to access areas that are totally road less. Rappelling is a kick butt thing to do by the way.
Chris I was just like you when I had my first PE back in 2005, I was totally devastated. Then I came off Coumadin and thought I got my life back. LOL silly me to think this way. Whats that saying about God having a sense of humor, just go ahead and try to make plans.
As far as your spouse ever coming to grips with the possibility of loosing you and not being comfortable with you living your life. let me tell you she will never come to grips with it, she will however learn to live with it even though she isn't comfortable with it. I know my husband hasn't and I have been on this silly roller coaster ride from Hell since 2005. He is always nagging me about what I can and can't do, what I can and can't eat and what this or that doctor said. However he has come to terms with who I am and knows I will never change. That's not the adrenaline junkie he married. Somewhere in one of the replies I thought I read where someone said they hoped they didn't survive a PE? I can understand that too. Like I mentioned earlier I am a nurse in and ICU unit in our medical center. I see many people who come in with brain bleeds, strokes due to subdural hemorrhages, and may of them often end up totally wheelchair bound. I can so totally relate to the comment about not wanting to survive. I guess it comes down to ethics or ones own opinion. I made sure it was in my will that I do not want to be kept alive via machines and If I end up totally witless then move me to a state that approves of assisted suicide. I could never and never want to live that way. I am not afraid to die, I'm afraid to live, if I have to live like that. So Chris you have a lot on your plate my friend, as does your dear wife. it's not an easy road that we are on. And a lot of people can give you advice but in the end you have to make the decision weather you are going to let this run your life or are you going to live your life to the fullest and like today might be your last, or somewhere in between. What ever you decide its not the wrong decision, it's your decision. Keep coming on here and venting, that's all part of the process of learning to deal with being a lifer, in the meantime I have a slightly used sumo wrestler suit I'll loan ya however it might slow you down when doing your triathlon.
Hugs Ferr

By the way PETVS, No way, I am in complete and utter denial and always will be LOL
HUGS
Ferr

Ferr, Denial - Me too! However I found it a bit expensive going to new doctors trying to get the opinion I wanted the hear hahahahaha. The sumo suit is a great idea, but now my next car can't be a mini-Cooper. :-)

-P

I know PetVs, Sucks HUH? LOL I bought a new car this past November and had to actually consider air bags from all sides for the first time. How crazy is that?

CJ..
Take your Coumadin, recover and you can go back and do everything you were doing. I won't bore you with my story, but I could run and bike with the best of them until I got whacked with double PEs on xmas day in december (no explanation or DVTs). The first month was tough, but with your experience in training, eating right and a strong body, you should be back in business. After 2 months of slow steady improvement, I was lifting weights and riding hard again and I can keep up with all my riding partners from last year. 60 mile ride planned for tomorrow. :)

I feel blessed...keep the faith.