Hi,
I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. I was pregnant with my second child when I had my PE and finished the pregnancy on blood thinners. I'm now pregnant with my 3rd and on blood thinners again. My situation is not the same as yours, so I'm not sure how much help I can be. For example, I don't take blood thinners when I'm not pregnant. I have Factor V Leiden but not any other mutation or lupus as you mentioned. One thing I might suggest is getting a second or even third opinion. My hematologist was supportive of us having another baby, but my obstetrician was a lot more cautious and not very supportive. I also consulted with a third doctor before making a decision about having a third child. My obstetrician considers me a high risk pregnancy but everything has gone very smoothly so far. The hematologist told me being on blood thinners this time around is a lot different from being on them the last time when I had several clots in my body. The dose was a lot higher then, now I'm on a lower preventative dose of blood thinners just to reduce the risk of a clot. I went on blood thinners as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I feel confident everything will be OK and I'm followed closely by my hematologist and obstetrician. But like I said, it doesn't sound like we have the same situation. Perhaps to put your mind at ease or give you some closure you could consult another hematologist who has experience following women in pregnancy. It's a big decision to make based on one doctor's opinion, so maybe one or two other opinions may help. Good luck.

I think you're smart to not jump into adoption right away, until you're in the right place to do that. I think too if you've not seen an OBGYN who specifically deals with high risk pregnancies, that may help you decide what risks you're willing to take. Pregnancy alone increases a woman's risk for clots, and so yeah, that could be a problem if you have genetic clotting factors. That's where the lovenox comes in and most women with a clotting history are on lovenox during their pregnancy. Also, most doctors would tell patients with genetic clotting factors and/or a history of more than one clotting event that they should avoid elective surgery. I got that same massage from my OBGYN when I wanted to have my tubes tied.

One thing I am curious about. You mentioned lupus. Do you have lupus anticoagulant or lupus the autoimmune disease, because they're different and I'm not sure if by being "a sick woman" you mean that you are suffering from lupus the autoimmune disease.

Can I be honest? If you feel like you're pretending to have a normal life, comparing yourself to other women and feeling less than female, something is amiss, ok? I'd turn your focus to making peace with your body and your circumstances, and whatever may or may not happen in terms of children. I would really work on trying to not compare yourself to other women and to focus on you and your mental, physical and emotional well being. I don't have children but I never feel less than anything, certainly not less a woman, because I don't have kids. Do you think your husband feels less a man because he had a procedure that prevents release of his sperm when he ejaculates? Probably not. Do you look at other women who are infertile or can't carry a baby, or even choose to not have children and think, those aren't full-fledged women? Probably not (god, I hope not). So why on earth would you choose to see yourself that way? That kind of thinking is like poison.

Maybe seeing a therapist could help you sort through your feelings and help you reconcile some of this stuff. It's very hard when the unexpected happens in our lives and all that we planned comes tumbling down, I know. All you can do is adjust your plans and keep moving forward. That's all anyone can do when life throws them a curve ball.

Hello everybody

Sorry for the delay, I was with no internet.

i want to thank you both so much for the words, I really appreciate and I was in much need of that.

I believe before jump to adoption or any kids relate treatment I need to make sure I don't see myself less woman because of my disease and go from there.

having kids won't make up for the hole in my soul, and I am stronger everyday

I have the lupus anticoagulant, and I don't know much about this yet, I have been in 2 doctors and they basically told me to don't worry about it


Thank you again

Definitely agree with RMB, as I am actually one of those women that choose not to have children. Many women consider me to be crazy, or heartless, simply because I know that I would not be a fit mother and would do everything in my power /not/ to get pregnant because, to put it simply, I hate kids. But that doesn't make me any less of a woman for wanting to take care of my body and my life, and it certainly doesn't make you any less of a woman for being advised not to get pregnant for the sake of your health and well-being. Heck, it doesn't make anybody less of a person if they have kids or not, they just don't have those experiences, and that' okay. Adoption might be a good option down the road, but you don't want to jump into it. Therapy is probably a great option for you (both) to take to get things out on the floor and reconciled, as RMB said.