Perhaps you are really grieving your health as it used to be...I have had two PE's and the second one ( at Thanksgiving ) put me in a blue funk until something more distressing and all-consuming came my way - my 15 year old son is going to be a father!!! Ack! All of a sudden, I have this to take up my thoughts and concerns...I haven't thought about my own health problems in a month! Don't distress over this missed opportunity...I think of my health before PE's and realize that those days are gone, but good days are still ahead. Have faith!

I agree with norskechia that you sound like you are in mourning. And no, you didn't deserve having this happen to you. I am very sorry that you missed an opportunity to meet someone special to you. I sincerely hope another opportunity comes along for you soon. I think this condition is so cruel because it snatches us out of our normal daily lives that are full of plans and goals and propels us into the medical world full of terms like warfarin, INR, factor V Leiden, etc. without notice. Everything else goes on hold in our lives while we try to find our new normal and figure out what all of it means. One minute we are enjoying a healthy life and the next minute we are worrying about every twinge of pain and palpitation. People who tell you to be glad you are alive really do not understand what you have experienced. We are glad to be alive but we mourn a time when we did not have to worry about blood clots. You are not selfish. You sound pretty normal to me! Hang in there.

I do agree that there is a grieving process and maybe yours is delayed a bit, for whatever reason. So you have to work through that. But the catch is that you can't fall victim to it.

No one deserves to get sick or have health issues. I personally don't think the universe works that way, doling out illness as punishment. Some people just get sick; things happen to people, good and bad.

Good days are to come. And frankly you are lucky and I know that seems irritating when people say that but they are right. And I think we all know that. It's just that there's more to this than just feeling lucky. There's the grief and the fear, and for some, the anger. There's not one way to feel. We're more complex than that.

I had my PE and first DVT in 2007, my second DVT in 2008, and life is really good for me right now. Not that there weren't serious issues during my recovery, like anxiety and confusion over who had I become after such a crazy event. I went into therapy for a bit to help me sort some stuff out. It took some self analysis and self awareness and working through a lot of fear, to the point where I just thought, how do I want to carry on, how do I want to move forward? How do I want to be seen, as a sick and sad person, or as someone who is strong, someone who, while changed, still solid and resolved. I chose the latter.

I think we can all pull ourselves out of this, because I really do believe that we have a choice in how we see the events that happen in our lives, and what we want to make of them.

It sounds like the episode where you lost a chance to meet that actor is the one that epitomizes everything that is bad about PEs. That missed opportunity symbolizes everything that has gone wrong about this happening to you.

I would suggest that it isn't just that one missed opportunity ... it is the entire PE issue for you. You fixate on that one thing because it is the most real to you. Maybe everything else you've lost (or feel that you've lost) is harder to pin down.

There is no reason that that one thing should be the end of everything for you. You're on your way back already. You could, at some point, fly to America to see this actor. You're healing every day.

No, none of us *deserved* to be sick. Really, who does? And yeah, we've got to work our way through the anger and grief to get some sense of normalcy and control back. You can do it ... don't get wrapped up in what wasn't anymore ... start thinking about what you can do in the future to reclaim that visit ... and to reclaim everything!

"reclaim everything"

I LOVE THAT!