i just need to vent a little here.. yesterday I took a new job as a nanny for a family with a VERY active and rambunctious 3 year old. I thought since I’ve been slowly feeling better it would be a walk in the park to sit and play barbies with a little kid.. well I was horribly wrong! I was diagnosed with my PE February 7th 2018, the first 2 months were an absolute living hell for me. Couldn’t even walk up the stairs to take a shower without being extremely out of breath and needing to take my asthma inhaler! I proudly can say that now at almost 4 months out I can walk to the shower and not need the inhaler but still out of breath! I also struggle to breath just walking into a store from the parking lot! This has made me very frustrated but I’ve learned to stop pushing myself to the point where I’m gasping for air and having strangers debating to call me an ambulance! Well back to my story here.. after watching the little girl for about 6 hours I took her for a ride to go get my car washed because I was tired of playing “momma and baby kitty”. I lifted her into my new car ( Ford Expedition, I’m a very petite 5 foot 100 pound girl driving a huge truck, I know!) and I immediately knew that I couldn’t do this. Just lifting her into my truck caused me so much pain in my chest and shortness of breath! I took her to the car wash anyways and fought through the rest of the 3 hours I had left to watch her. My asthma was also acting up very badly yesterday so it was extremely hard to breathe for me. I came home and did 2 breathing treatments in my Nebulizer, took some pain medicine for the chest pain and laid in bed. while I was laying in bed I started feeling very depressed. I am not a normal 20 year old anymore. I am a lifer on a blood thinner and have restrictions. I can’t walk around a store without needing to bring a baby stroller to rest on (and sometimes in!) or go play soccer again like before. I know have to sit on the side lines and watch everyone else live their life. For the past year I have been in the hospital more times than I can count for my asthma and now my PEs. My asthma was so out of control and I finally thought I was in the clear to be normal again and BAM I have blood clots in my lungs! I am slowly getting better but I’m tired of always being sick.. my body aches like I’m an 80 year old women.. I fear if I leave the house without my inhaler I will be in the back of an ambulance. I fear driving to the store, I pray that I won’t get into a car accident and won’t end up with internal bleeding due to the impact of the airbags! These are some of the things that I struggle with and I just needed to get them out. I’m tired of keeping this in and crying myself to sleep at night! I wish I just had someone that understands I’m mh daily life! Well thanks for reading this! And the ending to the story is I explained my situation to the mother and we both agreed that because of my health I wasn’t the best fit. I am back to being jobless! I will be looking for a desk job with no stairs to climb lol. Well thanks again for reading and sorry for the length!