Hi, ill try and keep this as short as possible, I just so happened to stumble upon this site but im encouraged to find how open and honest people on here are about their dealings and day to day fight with this tumour. Anyway heres my story....
Last year I would have described myself as an easy going, laid back but confident guy, I had a decent job, great wife, family and many friends. We enjoyed yearly holidays to fantastic locations, in all honesty my life was the envy of some of my friends and I was very happy. Fast forward 6 months and without being able to put an exact date and time on it i found myself very slowly and prob without realising at the time starting to question my happiness which led to me questioning my relaxionship, work commitments etc etc until I really didnt find any enjoyment at all I anything. I bacame very lazy (which i realise now wasnt laziness) very lethargic until one weekend we went away to visit relatives and i had what could be described as a major breakdown. The ironic thing was its was on my birthday and we had plans to do all the things that i loved doing but to me that day something 'clicked' in my brain, I had to be brought home by my mother, i was delusional, almost schitzophrenic like, infact I was treated as such until I finally ended up in a mental hospital. While there I had actually convinced myself i was dead and in hell, just writing this makes the feeling come back, i was actually burning in the most painful pain noone could imagine and that was going to be me for eternity, no end to this suffering. Obviously that was not the case and after a few days treatment of which I thankfully have no memory of I came to, still feeling complete confusion, pain, hopelessness etc. Weeks past and i had convined myself I was all sorts of people, from a serial killer to child killer etc etc, my brain was in meltdown! Well I said id try to keep this short but have babbled on anyway many doctors, psychiatrist, psycologists and endo visits later im back at home with my wife (whom id imagined I had killed) and things are very slowly getting back on tract, i have a 10mm pituitary tumour, chronic depression and severe anxiety disorder but i have hope and that is such a good feeling to have when considering only months ago i was 'dead'. My endo has actually said that the tumour 'could be' linked to my depression/anxiety but my psychiatrist believes It has almost definately been. Im now working with a psychologist who has made a great difference in such a short space of time, im a long long way from full recovery i recon but at least im on the right path, hopefully anyway. Ill try to keep future posts a little shorter lol but im glad ive found this site as its a relief to know that much of what ive been blaming myself for and lots of the feelings i feel are not my fault but the fault of this tumour!
Thanks for letting me share this with yous :-)