Prescription and Synthetic Drug Abuse Support Group
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I've posted this elsewhere, with no success. I'll post it here instead.
I'm a 23-year-old woman that struggles terribly with alcoholism/drug addiction.
I've been in-and-out of rehabs, jails and institutions for 10 years now. (Coming from a complicated, abusive family...this was considered "normal.")
I used to be the homeless, jailed, gutter drunk. Now that I'm older, and am beginning a successful career, I've learned how to "function."
I'm not really functioning. I'm actually drinking/using more than I ever have. A part of me is even proud for even being able to consume 10 MG of Dilaudid and finish off a bottle of vodka, and maintain a normal conversation. I've fooled everyone into thinking I'm actually sober now. (Except a couple of people who have been taking watch.)
I'm scared of losing everything again. AA/NA doesn't work for me. (I'm an atheist and always become an outcast in meetings.) I've been to rehabs way too many times. The last rehab stint I completed was a 90-day program, and I could only maintain 36 days when I got out. (The longest sobriety I've held is 8 months.)
I just don't know what to do anymore. I need some honest thoughts/opinions. I feel helpless.
I'm a 23-year-old woman that struggles terribly with alcoholism/drug addiction.
I've been in-and-out of rehabs, jails and institutions for 10 years now. (Coming from a complicated, abusive family...this was considered "normal.")
I used to be the homeless, jailed, gutter drunk. Now that I'm older, and am beginning a successful career, I've learned how to "function."
I'm not really functioning. I'm actually drinking/using more than I ever have. A part of me is even proud for even being able to consume 10 MG of Dilaudid and finish off a bottle of vodka, and maintain a normal conversation. I've fooled everyone into thinking I'm actually sober now. (Except a couple of people who have been taking watch.)
I'm scared of losing everything again. AA/NA doesn't work for me. (I'm an atheist and always become an outcast in meetings.) I've been to rehabs way too many times. The last rehab stint I completed was a 90-day program, and I could only maintain 36 days when I got out. (The longest sobriety I've held is 8 months.)
I just don't know what to do anymore. I need some honest thoughts/opinions. I feel helpless.
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
When I got help, I had to swallow my pride and except that my counselors only wanted to help give me the tools I needed to make myself better, to fill those voids inside me so I would not feel the need to numb the deep emotional pain, I was suffering from.
I am sorry I overlooked your post. It is not very active here so I only check it about once or twice a week.
I really wish you would put your career on hold because you have the rest of your life to work and make alot of money, which brings me to another point. I would love to see you grow old and not live a life shortened by booze and pills. The only person you fool is yourself! I know it's hard to see yourself from my vantage point but underneath it all, I know you have a heart of gold with the potential to do alot of good for others and if you embrace that thought, then only good things will happen to you!
You can help yourself by making an appointment with your doctor and tell her that you are ready to say goodbye to drugs and alcohol and she will be the first one to offer you the support you need to get you started on your road to recovery. She will also suggest some treatment options. Like with me, for example, I did outpatient treatment in the evenings which allowed me to continue to work at my full time job. Treatment for me was very rewarding because I went in there with an open mind and I took the suggestions they gave me and I have been happy ever since.
That was 8 years ago. Today I am self employed, I work as much or as little as I want, I have everything I need and I have never been happier! I wish the same for you and I pray for that every day.
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless!
But its dangerous.
The truth is I was playing with my own mind, I felt worthless but proving I could drink more than any human I knew made me feel proud. I get that.
I agree with Bob re professional help. It helped me and now I can drink a single or 2 drinks. Not saying everyone can do that, my problem wasnt alcohol addiction, it was why I was drinking.