Hello sunnycat
My name is rich and I had the same problem, I don't know if you have tried prayer I mean truly give your heart to the Lord he will help you realize that it is just temptations from the dark side that keep you going crazy.Read your bible daily and if you don't have one get one and as you read and pray for understanding the Lord will deliver you but if you keep dwelling on it you will eventually start again, and if you hang with someone who does drugs, well misery loves company. the bible says that 'bad company corrupts good morals. My name is rich and I will pray for you.
May God bless you
rich

There is a book called, "The 12 steps, for everyone who really wants them!" It is not religious but it is spiritual. It breaks down the 12 steps in easy to understand language so you can apply them to your life. When you start living by them, you start living in happiness beyond what you ever imagined was possible!

You can get it used on amazon for a couple of bucks and it is well worth what little you pay for it.

But like beenthere mentioned, it sounds like the spiritual part of yourself has been neglected for years. That is where your cravings and your feelings of loss and isolation are coming from.

God Bless!

Been clean a year, and I have dreams about hiding a few emergency pills, and then finding them a year later. I wake up feeling so empty, because I realize it was only a dream

Have you considered a 12 step program (NA/AA)? I tried for a few years to get off Vyvanse (prescription speed basically) and I could never get it off my mind. Always went back to it no matter how much I didn't want to take it. I've tried so many things before it, and its the only thing that's worked for me. I still think about the pills (and drugs) time to time, but I rarely obsess on it anymore. I have almost a year clean, where as I could only ever get a few months at a time, at most, on my own. Congrats on the 16 months though!

Ive got a battle daily in my head also...but mine is dont do it ..dont do it. I have all yhe reasons not to..jaill, probation officer, addict....etc. But some how someway it seems i find myselfy already taking them or with them in my pocket

Jaymil, if you really want to quit, then you have to start eliminating all your triggers. Having them in your pocket or anywhere accessible, is one of those triggers. Until you do so, you will probably never stay clean. You can't beat this disease but you can control it.

The first thing I did was get rid of all my drug friends. Their only interest was in dragging me down with them.

I had been clean from narcotics for 5 years until last summer when I had a serious injury and was given narcotic pain killers. Remember what I said about having them near. I abused my pain killers. I couldn't help it. I have the disease just like u do.

Just sayin

Today is only day 2 for me and i don't see how i will make it, I think of the same things...any suggestions on how to manage the withdrawl symptoms???

haha sounds just like what runs through my head daily! Stay strong you got this!