Prescription and Synthetic Drug Abuse Support Group
If you or a loved one is struggling with presciption drug abuse, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, and meet others going through a similar fight. You don't have to struggle with addiction alone. Ask a question, give advice, share your story, and get hope for recovery here.
Krimzyn and I'm a thankful follower of Christ and I struggle with prescription medications, alcohol, sexual integrity, co-dependency, and the after effects of abuse.
Yea, it's a mouthful, but I can run through it pretty quick or just modify it down to something easier.
Yeah, I'm a Christian... don't worry, I'm not going to shove it down anyone's throat. Just because it's my choice does not mean it's yours... but it's been integral in my recovery.
I attend Celebrate Recovery, and have since April of last year. I now have 10 months clean from prescription drugs and just over 100 days alcohol free.
Pain meds, sedatives and a vodka kicker was my daily go-to. I started in recovery because of the chaos in my family through my oldest son's addictions and violent anger, my oldest daughters psychological disorders that took way too long to be identified, and the feeling that my co-dependence was only enabling them and tearing my marriage apart.
Co-D... what a safe issue to admit to. I wasn't wrong, I was co-dependent as all get out and in some ways still fall into that behavior. Just to keep people from fighting with each other. Smoothing over arguments and misunderstandings, manipulating situations and words to make all sides happy... if only for just then... then hit the bottle (booze or script) to smooth things over with myself.
I played this game right through the beginning of my time in CR. Went to CR on Friday, drank most of Saturday and Sunday. Had a slew of medications from a very willing psychiatrist in addition to those "saved from past incidents and injuries" (not necessarily mine). I was even baptized because it seemed like the next logical step (gotta do that again now that I'm on this side of recovery).
In September I signed up for a step study and was so excited! I knew I had crap and I knew things had happened in my past to "make me" the way I am (like I had no responsibility there). I started journaling so I could remember as far back as I could. Logic said: If you are going to do this, you are getting it ALLLL out! Wow, was that a big mistake.
Repressed memories came flooding back, memories later confirmed by others who were aware of what happened. I sailed into a bad depression, drinking and meds went down full force and by the handful. My husband, who didn't understand what I was dealing with and who was going through his versions of "the motions" as well started tellilng me to just "forget it" and "stop thinking about it because there are more important things to take care of." This did not help... by the way... he was a major victim of my Co-D. I had taken care of so much, he was no longer able to take care of simple household or financial issues and that was what he felt was "more important" for me to take care of.
The last discussion we had regarding his thought that I needed to just drop this recovery thing and move on with OUR life (forget what I was drowning in), I went in the house, slammed another "dose" of Xanax, Trazadone, and a full bottle of UV Blue (they are still trying to figure out how I drank that so fast).
The person who is now my absolute best friend in the whole world had come to visit. She knew something was going to go down soon... and it did. I vaguely recall her being there as I sat on my bed blathering unintelligably. Next thing I know I woke up in the hospital with my two dear friends doing a fist bump over my head because I finally woke up. You can't buy love like that.
Turns out, I tried to get up and hit the floor face first. My daughter found me heaving on the floor. (I have a great many amends to make to her). They called the ambulance. Paramedics got no response from me and shallow breathing. I was dragged out of the house on a tarp and taken to the ER. I'm not sure what they did there other than cut my clothes off (brand new jeans!), plug in an IV, and possibly pump my stomach (no matter how many times that happens it is still not something to get used to).
My husband came in once for a few minutes while I was unconscious. Other than that... it was my two dear friends that stayed with me the whole time. After I woke up, my oldest son came in and my daughter that found me. Those are two very strong kids. I did not see my husband until I got home early the next morning.
Detox set in, not pleasant. Along with a slew of warnings from my doctor about the increasing severity if I relapse again and my heart not being able to take it.
That was my crash. September 29, 2012. I found a bottle of valium that the "clean up crew" missed when they rummaged my belongings to clear out my stashes. I took a couple, got sick, surrendered them to my friend. October 4, 2012.
It's been a long and painful road. Dealing with all the memories of what I have done and what has been done to me. Some days I just don't want to deal with anything. But thanks to my people in CR... I don't have to deal with it alone. They are there for me, full of love and grace. Not there to judge, just listen and love.
Thanks for hearing my story.
Yea, it's a mouthful, but I can run through it pretty quick or just modify it down to something easier.
Yeah, I'm a Christian... don't worry, I'm not going to shove it down anyone's throat. Just because it's my choice does not mean it's yours... but it's been integral in my recovery.
I attend Celebrate Recovery, and have since April of last year. I now have 10 months clean from prescription drugs and just over 100 days alcohol free.
Pain meds, sedatives and a vodka kicker was my daily go-to. I started in recovery because of the chaos in my family through my oldest son's addictions and violent anger, my oldest daughters psychological disorders that took way too long to be identified, and the feeling that my co-dependence was only enabling them and tearing my marriage apart.
Co-D... what a safe issue to admit to. I wasn't wrong, I was co-dependent as all get out and in some ways still fall into that behavior. Just to keep people from fighting with each other. Smoothing over arguments and misunderstandings, manipulating situations and words to make all sides happy... if only for just then... then hit the bottle (booze or script) to smooth things over with myself.
I played this game right through the beginning of my time in CR. Went to CR on Friday, drank most of Saturday and Sunday. Had a slew of medications from a very willing psychiatrist in addition to those "saved from past incidents and injuries" (not necessarily mine). I was even baptized because it seemed like the next logical step (gotta do that again now that I'm on this side of recovery).
In September I signed up for a step study and was so excited! I knew I had crap and I knew things had happened in my past to "make me" the way I am (like I had no responsibility there). I started journaling so I could remember as far back as I could. Logic said: If you are going to do this, you are getting it ALLLL out! Wow, was that a big mistake.
Repressed memories came flooding back, memories later confirmed by others who were aware of what happened. I sailed into a bad depression, drinking and meds went down full force and by the handful. My husband, who didn't understand what I was dealing with and who was going through his versions of "the motions" as well started tellilng me to just "forget it" and "stop thinking about it because there are more important things to take care of." This did not help... by the way... he was a major victim of my Co-D. I had taken care of so much, he was no longer able to take care of simple household or financial issues and that was what he felt was "more important" for me to take care of.
The last discussion we had regarding his thought that I needed to just drop this recovery thing and move on with OUR life (forget what I was drowning in), I went in the house, slammed another "dose" of Xanax, Trazadone, and a full bottle of UV Blue (they are still trying to figure out how I drank that so fast).
The person who is now my absolute best friend in the whole world had come to visit. She knew something was going to go down soon... and it did. I vaguely recall her being there as I sat on my bed blathering unintelligably. Next thing I know I woke up in the hospital with my two dear friends doing a fist bump over my head because I finally woke up. You can't buy love like that.
Turns out, I tried to get up and hit the floor face first. My daughter found me heaving on the floor. (I have a great many amends to make to her). They called the ambulance. Paramedics got no response from me and shallow breathing. I was dragged out of the house on a tarp and taken to the ER. I'm not sure what they did there other than cut my clothes off (brand new jeans!), plug in an IV, and possibly pump my stomach (no matter how many times that happens it is still not something to get used to).
My husband came in once for a few minutes while I was unconscious. Other than that... it was my two dear friends that stayed with me the whole time. After I woke up, my oldest son came in and my daughter that found me. Those are two very strong kids. I did not see my husband until I got home early the next morning.
Detox set in, not pleasant. Along with a slew of warnings from my doctor about the increasing severity if I relapse again and my heart not being able to take it.
That was my crash. September 29, 2012. I found a bottle of valium that the "clean up crew" missed when they rummaged my belongings to clear out my stashes. I took a couple, got sick, surrendered them to my friend. October 4, 2012.
It's been a long and painful road. Dealing with all the memories of what I have done and what has been done to me. Some days I just don't want to deal with anything. But thanks to my people in CR... I don't have to deal with it alone. They are there for me, full of love and grace. Not there to judge, just listen and love.
Thanks for hearing my story.
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
It must have been horrible repeating that repressed trauma. My heart goes out to you. It always gets worse before it gets better but it's only temporary. What you did with the journaling is similar to emdr therapy which is very helpful ....if you have support, while reliving it in your mind.
I don't know what CR is but it sounds like you got alot of support and I hope you are continuing with it. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,
God Bless!
CR is Celebrate Recovery. It is a Christ centered 12 step program that is very open to those who do not believe in God as well as believers. Rather than an unnamed higher power, the higher power is God. My supporters, accountability team, and sponsor are referred to as my "forever family."
Imagine my shock when I walked in and the building did not collapse!
The program is all encompassing. In other words it is not just for addictions. There are small groups for chemical dependency, co-dependency, anger management, sexual integrity, victims of abuse, and if a new need is found then a new group is started. Men meet with men, women with women. Each meeting starts with an hour of community and dinner, then an hour of large group music and teaching, then an hour of small open share group, and finally the cross talk cafe for community, building accountability teams and finding sponsors. Our CR has what is called "pre-recovery" (Celebration Station) where all us jacked up folks bring our kids to help them cope with the affect our lives have on them. Their teaching is a kids version of the teaching in large group. My youngest love, love, loves Celebration Station. When our cat died, that's where he wanted to go... To be with his peeps and forever family.
It's definitely worth looking into.
Hugs!
Another book that taught me how to talk to God is "The 12 steps for everyone who really wants them" It is the 12 steps adapted for EHA (Emotional Health Anonymous.) I found this book in the hospital detox I was in 5 years ago before I went through treatment and I took the book with me. Not sure if I stealing but didn't really care at the time. This book helped me out tremendously!
Before I went into detox, I was convinced I could quit on my own. The number of attempts I made were in the hundreds with the longest span being about 3 weeks before I caved into the triggers and relapsed.
Eventually, when I almost died, I realized that I couldn't do it alone, I needed help and that help came from God and it came from all the people I came into contact with who were doing God's work for him, from my counselors to others in recovery, my doctors and others who supported me through it all.
It sounds like you are on the right path, you are doing all the right things especially with attending the Christian 12 step group. I wish they had one like it near me but I have many AA and NA groups to choose from.
Continued good luck on your road to recovery!
God Bless!