Prescription and Synthetic Drug Abuse Support Group
If you or a loved one is struggling with presciption drug abuse, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, and meet others going through a similar fight. You don't have to struggle with addiction alone. Ask a question, give advice, share your story, and get hope for recovery here.
I am trying hard to not give in. I have access to some pills (not my own) that I want, and i think the main reason I want them is just because they are available. It is the ritual, the taking advantage of the opportunity or something, because I know that if the two pills change how I feel at all, it will just be because of the IDEA of having them, not that they really would DO anything. I read something the other day that said most addicts deal with cravings by giving in to them. I know that is what I have always done in the past. I quickly reached a point in my addiction where my addiction told me, "you know you're going to do it sooner or later, so why not just do it now and end this battle in your head?" The article I read said that cravings will go away if you do not give in to them. So that is what I am trying to do. I have never admitted that I even have cravings, but I have heard "you are only as sick as your secrets" and "your secrets keep you seek." I am in AA and NA, but have never been able to really open up to anyone. So I am trying to do it here, to strangers, so that at least I am not keeping it secret. This site has made a big difference in my life years ago when addiction and depression made me want to be dead, and then again four years ago when my mother died.
Addiction and depression caused me lose everything. And some losses that were outside my control fueled my addiction and depression. In the past three and one-half years, I have worked hard to get a decent life back, and have it now. So why is having almost everything I've ever wanted not enough???? Why do I still want pills? I realize that everything in life is a trade-off. I can have a home and a good job and be happily married and get along with my children, OR I can have my pills. I want both! What is wrong with me? There are even days when I think I might prefer to just go off somewhere and settle for access to as many pills as I want, and give up everything else. Who thinks like that?? I know that world does exist either--no pharmaceutical factory is going to just give me a room and a bottomless bottle of the pills of my choice, with no cost involved! I see the absurdity of that scenario when I think it through. The saddest thing is that with enough pills, I would not even care that pills were all I had, as long as I always had an unlimited free supply. Without pills, I have to figure out what to do about my feelings and my problems. I have to be a responsible and capable adult, go to work, pay my bills, clean my house, take care of my family.
Anyway, I apologize for the length and thanks for listening. I really hope to get some feedback.
Addiction and depression caused me lose everything. And some losses that were outside my control fueled my addiction and depression. In the past three and one-half years, I have worked hard to get a decent life back, and have it now. So why is having almost everything I've ever wanted not enough???? Why do I still want pills? I realize that everything in life is a trade-off. I can have a home and a good job and be happily married and get along with my children, OR I can have my pills. I want both! What is wrong with me? There are even days when I think I might prefer to just go off somewhere and settle for access to as many pills as I want, and give up everything else. Who thinks like that?? I know that world does exist either--no pharmaceutical factory is going to just give me a room and a bottomless bottle of the pills of my choice, with no cost involved! I see the absurdity of that scenario when I think it through. The saddest thing is that with enough pills, I would not even care that pills were all I had, as long as I always had an unlimited free supply. Without pills, I have to figure out what to do about my feelings and my problems. I have to be a responsible and capable adult, go to work, pay my bills, clean my house, take care of my family.
Anyway, I apologize for the length and thanks for listening. I really hope to get some feedback.
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? I use to think like you, I had a good job but it was a stressfull job. That stress went away when I used narcotic pain killers and they made me feel so good, I just wanted to give everyone a hug.
The problem was, it didn't last, so I had to increase my dose. Back in those days, they were easy for me to get. I had a history of chronic back pain and buying them online was easy. Its not like that now but back then, it was.
I went from taking 2 five milligram vicodin, twice a day to 5 ten milligram pills 3 times a day. It was more then my body could handle and my organs began to shut down. Long story short, I almost died, but God kept me alive for a reason. I really believe that reason is to warn others what they can expect from drug addiction. I am fine now but I was hovering between life and death for 3 scary days.
I don't want you to go through what I went through so please, get some help if you feel you need it and don't give in to the cravings! Talk to your doctor if you are having a problem with cravings. There is help available and alot of people willing to help so don't be afraid to ask.
God Bless!
I was adopted in infancy, and no matter how hard I work to reframe that event (and I had wonderful adoptive parents and a good life), I cannot convince myself of anything other than that the primal fact of my existence is that I was not wanted, NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It was a short trip from anger and tears to wanting to die. Pain pills were the way out of those feelings (never a step toward suicide).
I figured out three years ago that I could survive those feelings, even stop them, and did not need pills to get away from them. But the other triggers are harder. I didn't have to change my friends because I always used alone. I did move because of my mother's illness, then again after her death and my marriage, and my husband and I just bought a house this summer. But it's not the physical place, it's the idea of "home" that's the trigger...I'm done for the day, I don't feel bad at all (don't even really have the pain anymore that started all this), but I want to feel better.
Even though really all I get now, no matter how much I take, is the going to sleep, not any getting high. Or maybe it's my perception that has changed. I used to feel SO bad that it didn't take much at all to make me feel better, especially when it took away the pain I had had constantly since I was 22 years old. Now, my baseline is probably higher than my "high" used to be, and getting more than that would result in death from the physical effects. I'm really rambling here as I try to think through all of this. It really does help to not hold it all inside.
You really need to let go of all that guilt and shame! Let me try to explain. There is no such thing as an unplanned pregnancy! God plans each and every one weather the parents realize it or not! You are very wanted and you are very loved!
The reason you don't feel the love is because the negative emotions, guilt, shame, envy, jealousy, abandonment, etc etc....act as blocks in the communication link we have between us and God.
Through prayer, working the steps, and just changing your perception will help to open that link back up allowing God's Love to come through and all the miracles that goes with it.
There is a good book called "The 12 steps, for everyone who really wants them", which is the AA 12 steps adapted for EHA (Emotional Health Anonymous) It teaches you how to do the above and also walks you through each of the steps in easy to understand language. I have an extra copy I will give you for free if you trust me with your address. If not, I totally understand. You can also purchase it on amazon, used for a few dollars. I really think it will help you.
Also, no apology is needed. Write as much or as little as you need to!
Keep us posted. We care!
God Bless!