It hurts so bad knowing that the holidays are coming but the happiness and gladness for it is gone in our lives. All around me in the world and in my home its gone. I work so hard to try and make our home look festive for the holidays but it seems it  does not matter. The same emotions far such as anger, sadness, tears, fears, frustration happens during this year. Negative thoughts take over to the point that is impossible to think about anything happy. I want to think about happy fun days and good times and more days like that to come. The depression that come with time of year is so painful. Four months ago I lost a parent and the parent who is still here is so unhappy that they can not see straight. They are constantly thinking about the bad terrible things that had been said to them from childhood to now. It seems like to me that I can not do or say anything to make them happy or change their thoughts to positive (make them how they used to be). I sincerely miss how they used to be at during this time of year. I had heard on the news that people can not travel because of the virus; one college girl said that she was going to visit her grandparents whose health is not good; one lady said that she decided to stay home because she did not want to make anyone sick especially her parents and in laws. Some people have to depend on computers to communicate with loved ones; some of my family members would not allow that because of the way they feel towards other family members.