Haven't posted here in awhile. My doctor started me on the antidepressant Welbutrin which also can promote weight loss. I was afraid to do that because of my previous bad experiences with some psychiatric drugs, but my doctor knew what class of drugs I'd had issues with and thought the prescription would work. He was right! I even voiced my concern that I didn't want to be on a medication that would interfere with having sex or make having an orgasm impossible and he said this drug wouldn't do that. He was right! I've  lost almost thirty pounds and I'm back to my pre-COVID weight!

I've also been able to finally begin writing a novel because I'm able to focus. I usually only write poetry. I just realized that I've been subconsciously dealing with my trauma issues through the novel. The main character's father was an abusive ventriloquist and the character, Finley, feels a lot of baggage when he takes over voicing the bunny puppet for a children's show. He moves to Las Vegas and finds new work on a talk show and stars in a terrible biopic about Fidel Castro. Even though it's funny, the story is also tragic. I put all my addiction issues into the sleazy talk show host character, my vanity into Finley's fiancée and her father, and misguided idealism into the film's director.

I started to remember how I overdosed on sleeping pills in Las Vegas a few years ago because I was so overwhelmed by going on the trip alone to this wedding with Australians I only knew from Facebook. I was mostly fine the next day and didn't tell anyone about it. I realized that's why I wrote an overdose for the talk show host character and all the memories came back. I did cut down on sleeping pills after that trip, but I'm still taking one dose of Zzquil and two Excedrin PMs every night. That started after a new trauma in 2015 because I started having nightmares again.

still coping with trauma and using writing as an outlet is helping