I love it, too. And I benefit daily from your participation, arfie. I have been here only a couple of months less than you have. In that time I've experienced a couple of conflicts, but minimally. Elders on the site told me how to pick and choose among postings, as I can't be all things to all people. None of us can.

Such management keeps me coming back and keeps me focused on my PTSD recovery. As many of us as they are here, we are often at all different stages of recovery and may not have the same agenda. Some are more socially oriented, some have done lots of therapy, some haven't. You know how it is.

For me, since I had to give up meds a year ago due to permanent damage they were doing to my kidneys, being here plays a very important role in my recovery.

I wish I could offer you more to help, but that's it for now. Blessings to you.

Hi Arfie,
Yeah, you totally make sense. The difficulty, I suppose, is in it being a virtual support group without even a volunteer moderator. Although I too have benefited from being here, I wonder whether maybe I need to stick with the moderated parts of DS. That's not pointing the blame at anyone else, just being VERY realistic about how incredibly sick I am right now.

Between the Day Program, med changes, added stressors (including triggers) at work, and my very unhealthy family that tells me they hate the emotional person I have become, and wish I would either return to my expressionless, emotionaless, dissociated state or else "commit suicide" (yeah, 2 of them actually suggested that) because it would be "easier on" them, I'm having a rough time lately.

I tried to write a sensitive post - reflect on the opposing side, but still stand up for myself all the while giving the best support I felt I could give. And yet, in spite of my best efforts, I seem to have only made the problem worse. I don't really know what to do. All I know is that I am fighting SO, SO, SO hard to choose to live every second. I am fighting against though anger-turned-inward thoughts that insist I must take my own life. And I have thankfully been winning that battle with greater & greater ease, but I feel so upset by all this. So upset that the mod shut the thread down before we could find out if s/he is still even alive (though I get what she did that & in no way fault the mod).

But I don't know. I have taken all 3 of my meds to try to calm down tonight & nothing is helping. I am shaking so badly. I am afraid to stand-up for myself anymore. I couldn't even talk to my friend out loud tonight. I feel myself shutting down & I guess that's a good thing b/c this whole process has been insanely painful.

So I don't really know what else to say except that I'm sorry to anyone that was hurt by my words. It was not my intention. I'm so confused about all this that, for my own health & safety I maybe need to take a week away from here. That seems impossibly hard right now b/c I do rely so much on you all -- and I'm definitely not mad at anyone -- but I'm just really struggling a lot with my health ... hopefully something all here can relate to.

Be blessed,
gigi

PS - I can be reached this next week or two at the AAA Christian Encouragement Group & encourage anyone to come check it out if you're interested. :) I will also be mail messaging a few members here - and I'm happy to get mail from any of you ... but I just beg that you keep in mind that my PTSD and stress is pretty much through the roof right now -- REALLY bad flashbacks. So please put a warning in the subject if I should wait until I'm exited from the Hospital Day Program before reading them. ((((hugs, all)))))

We are all trying to support each other and manage our triggers.

It is very difficult on everyone when the group gets side tracked (hijacked) by disruptive incidents.

Gheel please know that I have never perceived you as being in any way disruptive. Your posts are a joy to read. You are caring and insightful.

I respect anyone's decision who feels they need to step back from the current vibe.

It would be lovely if just being selective about what posts to respond to could help me maintain my inner calm, but we all read many more than we respond to.

These past two weeks have chased away some of our sweetest, most gentle souls and I only hope our forum can recenter itself in a more constructive direction.

We don't want to burn down the house.

you make a lot of sense, it is in a way very terapeutic, it can be very triggering but in another way you learn more how to better handle triggers either yours or triggered by some of another post

it is fine and okay to leave when triggers are issue and to prevent yourself that someone elses triggers doesnt gets to you

there is nothing bad or selfish there, we need first work on our well being in order to be able to handle ours and anothers posts that can be triggering to us, that way we are able to share and give encourage to anyone else

it is okay to ask for help and support too, or vent or share our own triggers, especialy when we feel too down, then we need someone to pull us little back, time when we need to talk about our pains

i might sound cold but when we are easily triggered it is okay to step down and get back when ready

take care and be well, i steped back couple times before when i havent been able to share or talk at all

conflicts can happen at any time, dont be scared of that, we are safe here and we can help each other

might be trigger, i just want to encourage you if i can


@gheel, dont be scared,it is okay to be owerwhelmed, i went through that part before, i know how hard it can be, pull yourself together, you took meds, you are shaking it is normal response to triggers and stress, you will be okay, you are fighting for your life and that is a huge step forward, take off day or two if you have to, beleive into yourself, you can make it

((((((( hugs ))))))))

When I read triggering or disagreeable posts, I try to do the one thing I was taught as a child that made any sense- If you have nothing positive to say, stay quiet. I has kept me out of a lot of clashes on forums. I don't feel like I am not standing up for my views, on the other hand, I am not lowering them to into an all out brawl. Its not always easy but I do avoid the stress of conflict on this site this way. Probably better for me and those here too.

Most of us have tough issues to work through and often have to speak harshly on confusing topics which we don't understand ourselves, much less know how to speak well. I, for one, want this to be okay for everyone. No exceptions.

I figure that a post I find "offensive" is simply not for me. At least not yet.

When to let it be is one of the things I, personally, am here to learn.

arfie, Im really glad you made this post. And especially that you wrote it the way you did. Im glad that we can start to come back together in a healing way.

Me, personally, I respect everyone here. I try to know when I'll respond badly to something, and back away from it if its not directed exactly at me. Emphasis on the word 'try.' I want to keep respecting everyone. I want to keep this a place of healing. If I can make a difference.

Eh, I dont really know what to say here right now.

Gheel, Im sorry you are in such an aweful state. Im glad to hear you are getting treatment and I look forward to hearing from you when you get back.

Gheel,

Thanks for reaching out so humbly. We've all been there in a fragile state in our own way. I'm so sorry to hear such a sad report about your family support system and its disposition toward you now. I hope we are some support to you here. You are not alone.

this is a great forum glad to hear all posts knowing each person here has had their own journey ,,,, ptsd is familiar to me not only with child abuse but cancer yes it is sad when someone unsafe and disruptive joins in we must be able to listen to all input if a person has to speak their truth doesnt mean they are not valid, I am very grateful for ds for the last few years has been safe and wonderful except when it becomes clickish due to triggers face it triggers are healing if handled I went to treatment several times for ptsd I was told to face our fears and triggers the most healing does not always come in gentle ways thanks for all the shares warrior

One thing that can help is to separate people from their behaviors.

I am triggered by people who look like my daughters attacker (whom I cornered with my car in her driveway, so we had a run in of sorts- dumb me, I thought he'd get arrested on the spot).

I will readily admit the appearance of a person who looks like that, from the corner of my eye will raise the hair on the back of my neck, blood pressure, etc.

Also have to acknowlege that many people who look like him behave nothing like that.

So I have to separate the individual, whos behaviors scare the heck out of me, from the group he belongs to.

This is rambling, but I think the hurt came from identifying it as a rather large, diverse group of individuals vs. saying that you feel triggered by certain behaviors of some individuals.

I know, I am trying to hammer this to death with political correctness, which is not the cure all I wish it were. What's okay to say one day has been remanufactured and reformulated faster than you can open Oxford online to check.

Will admit in the grips of any particular trigger, my politcal correctness will go right out the window.

Like my daughter upon beginning college years ago would remind me "language, mum, language".